Mindful Of Mine

Toxic

2012-02-03T21:19:00.000-06:00

I read this article from the NY Tims a few weeks ago about the research that has recently been published on the damage stress does on baby brains. The research, based on two decades of research done by the American Pediatrics Association finds that stress that occurs from the pre natal period to early childhood leaves lasting impacts on people. And the word stress is fairly loosely defined.

I'm still regularly running into people, APs, fellow teachers, teachers of my children, and friends that are dismissive or find my very brief conversations about some of our daily struggles overly dramatic. And they do seem to be just that sometimes. How is it that a child, my child is so sad and hurt 4 years later, from something happened before her current memory was in place? Sometimes I feel as though I'm over reacting. And then reality hits with a rage or a tantrum, a deep sadness or the inability to express feelings that clearly run deep.  I know that I'm not over dramatic and that the research that the APA has done has deep meaning in our house.

This past week I took 40 students on a 3-college visit that culminated in a day of skiing.  For many of the students it was a first glimpse at college. What that leaving home or that next step in their education might be. The resulting conversations ranged from "I couldn't go that far away (3 hours)" to "I can totally see myself here."  Lots of the conversations seemed to focus on the child's current state of happiness and then also what they hoped for themselves. What they hoped to do differently or the same as their parents/siblings/cousins/friends. What they hoped to learn from mistakes/successes/money spent/jobs gotten. Past experiences were playing a part in future dreams.

I returned home to 5 days worth of tantrums and anger from C. She finally laid down tonight angry and feeling alone.  I am sad for her. Sad that her past experiences are shaping a piece of her future. And I can't change it. I can be part of it. I can acknowledge it. I can help her heal parts of it. But, her sadness will impact her in some way, for her life.

Fav Foto Viernes: Rosa

2012-02-03T02:30:00.000-06:00

This week's theme is Pink! Interesting, since there is some dynamic and

disappointing news in the way of Pink at the moment.

But I was actually thinking more along the lines of...

... these pink cheeks. She held on tight after I got home from a 4 day college visit trip with 40 students.

...and these pink cheeks after skiing in 20 degrees (downright balmy on the North Shore) with 35 mile an hour winds. There was a moment or two where I was going down the hill, but barely moving because of the wind coming up.

I have loved doing FFF for a while, but I think it may just need to be passed to another blogger. If you have any interest in taking it over, I would be happy to hand over the reins. Sarah started this ages ago and Hannah did a beautiful job taking it over. I would love to pass it off to another momma.

How are you spending your week? Valentine's Day plans? Love it or leave it?

Link up, leave some love and enjoy your weekend!

Fav Foto Viernes: Que Usted Elije

2012-01-27T07:58:00.000-06:00

This week's theme is You Choose!

J. turns 6 tomorrow. I'm not even sure how that is possible! She wanted sunflower everything for her birthday and we did just that.

J. is joyful, slow to smile but quick to laugh, has beautiful dimples and cares deeply about other people.
She worries and is meticulous about the details. She is curious, but also guarded. She is strong and can run and jump and determined to keep up with the best of them - if not beat them. She is graceful and polite and wants to do well at everything she tries.

Happy Birthday J!

What did you choose? What are you looking forward to enjoying in February? How are you making your New Year's resolution or thought be more active?

Next week's theme with be Rosa/Pink.

Link up, leave some love and enjoy your weekend!

Monday Meditation: Our Work

2012-01-23T14:26:00.000-06:00

Sent to me this morning from my sister who is working on a degree in Naturopathy.

“The infusion of soul-fire into our own ideas, our own lives, the lives of those we touch,

that is our work.

The shooing of the soul to its home,

that is our work.

The releasing of a shower of sparks to fill the day, and creating a light so we can find our way through the night,

that is our work.”

-Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run with the Wolves

Sunny

2012-01-22T09:48:00.000-06:00

J. wanted a sunflower cake (thankfully no people or Disney representations.)

We did well.

Her actual birthday isn't until next weekend, so we'll do the 6 year old friends thing today and wait until next weekend for the family celebrations.

Fav Foto Viernes: Invierno

2012-01-20T02:00:00.000-06:00

This week's theme, appropriately with -11 degree weather (-32 degrees with windchill) is Winter.

Unfortunately I have no snow pictures to show for it.

We have no snow.

Its the oddest winter and the girls have fantastic new sleds which are still boxed up ready for any hint of flurries.

So instead of crazy sled pics, or lovely, bright snow pictures, we have indoor, comfy clothes pictures.

Watching Shrinky Dinks - seriously the best addition to our winter crafts this year.

Playing "el tren" and switching off who is the conductor.

Jammies and robes and cuddlies.

My apologies for the poor photos - I take cute shots of my kidds, for me, to document time well spent. But of all the things I profess and can attest to being good at - taking pictures is not on of them.

My apologies.

How are you spending your coldest days? What do like the best about winter? The least?

Link up, leave some love and enjoy (warmly) your weekend.

Monday Meditation: "The Time Is Now"

2012-01-16T21:02:00.001-06:00

On Friday, a former colleague posted on FB about how he felt alone among his colleagues in his reminder to students about the upcoming MLK holiday. He was thanked by a student for his encouragement to do something good. He made the choice to be present and mindful and pass that along to his students.

All day today I listened to bits and pieces that NPR had on about the holiday. Their final piece this evening, while I was fixing dinner, was about how teachers struggle to make it fresh and new for their students each year - not just the holiday, but to make the civil rights struggle current and relevant. Each teacher talked about how they worked to make it current. A final interview with one black teacher said that she thought that only black teachers could specifically teach to the urgency of MLK day. I bristled at that thought. It made me, at least in her eyes, or maybe in many, unable to reach students. And she was right.

On Friday, in my rush to get things done and almost the passing over of the three day weekend, I reminded my students to take their instruments home, to please practice, to turn in their mid term assignments, but I neglected to mention anything about the urgency, relevancy or currency of the MLK holiday.

Its been a really crummy kindergarten year for J. At least in the sense that the magic and joy in that first real year of school is missing. Its no ones fault, but she is not coming home glowing with excitement about reading or fascinated by any one unit, skill or friend. Sometime two months ago we started hearing bits and pieces of some peer drama. Some back and forth about not liking to play with each other, not sharing, maybe some pushing, and definitely some unkind words. Sometime last week it went from some unkind words to "I don't like your brown skin" and "your sisters are not your real sisters." Words that don't come from many 5 year old mouths freely, in my opinion. Words that probably wouldn't have been that addressed had a parent or teacher been vigilant in their teaching. Kids don't just try those words on for size to see what they do.

When we formed our family so that skin color didn't match I lost the ability to be complacent about social justice, equity amongst all and education - good education, for each child. For my child, I don't get to forget. I don't get to be too busy. Its white privilege to forget about MLK day. The black teacher who said that she can teach her students better about Martin Luther King Jr., civil rights and civil disobedience is right. She can teach it better, because she can't forget. As a mother of brown children, as a teacher of all kinds of students, I should not be allowed to forget either.

"We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children." Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. 1963

Now is the time. The day passed today, but I can teach it tomorrow. I will parent it often. I can address it daily.

Fav Foto Viernes: Esperando

2012-01-13T02:00:00.001-06:00

This week's theme is "Hoping."

We have been hoping for snow. Funny for us to say since usually at this point we have tons of snow. Yesterday it was 45. Today its 11. Snow would be good if its going to be that cold.

What's really hopeful at our house?

This one.

She LOVES being a princess. At this point she apparently can't be a princess if she has ANY clothes on under her princess costume - they impeded her princess-y.

She wants to be 5. She is 3 "and a quarter."

She also wants to have a princess "birthday party with my fwends" in 9 months.

That's a lot of hoping.

I'm kind of hoping she just wants to keep on rocking in the chair before she goes to sleep every night.

And these guys?

Oh, the imaginative play. Tea parties and princesses. Kitties and mean dragons.

They have a new routine after school.

It involves, running upstairs, changing into jammies (at 4pm)

and having a tea party - every week day. Its not a bad idea.

Link up. I miss you all. I'll do better at getting around to see you.

Enjoy your weekend.

Farther

2012-01-12T20:34:00.000-06:00

Since this summer DH and I have known that our relationship with J and C's first mom was going to change. It is first and foremost, their relationship, BUT both of us do the communication at this point. I speak Spanish so good chunks of it go through me and the rest of it go through a liaison, who is very loosely associated with a school and a B and B in Guatemala.

Sometime this summer after much prodding and some odd conversational cycles we figured out that Ca. was pregnant and due sometime this fall. We also figured out, through much more direct questioning, that she was in a much tougher and physical relationship than she had been. We have worried for her, for her oldest daughter and for the now, new baby.

Sometime this past week we learned that she was leaving Guatemala City and heading for a more rural community with her husband. I was heartbroken. For J. J. has expressed since she was 4 that she misses her Guatemala Mom. That she wants to see her. That sometimes it just hurts. Occasionally she blames a bad day on missing her, but other times, at the most tender of moments she cries out for her, just expressing the deep wound that is her first mom.

I don't fault Ca. for leaving Guatemala City. Who can? The city as a whole and even the country are in the throes of the drug crisis that has been affecting Mexico for years. The government has issues of corruption and the gangs are extensive. I have long talked about her low to no literacy and what that means. She grew up in the early 80s and 90s in the midst of the civil war and as early as 14 she began working as a house maid. She grew up speaking Kachikiel, but then was prevented from speaking it in Guatemala City and only learned basic Spanish as a house maid. Her literacy is low. But so is some of her thought processing. She struggles to convey feelings and ideas - not that she doesn't have them or that they are badly formed, just that they can not be expressed because of her language experiences - the language experiences of many rural Guatemalans.

We are nearing J.'s birthday. By some amazing feat and cruel fact J. turns 6 in two weeks. She knows it. She is relishing in it. My daughter, who took so long to choose words and still prefers to be quiet in the presence of strangers is deeply excited about her birthday. She is also deeply sad about it. She has expressed, extensively, about the sadness that is her first mom. Missing her on the day that they most privately share together. A birthing day.

Over the past two days DH and I have conveyed carefully and in words that are real, but age appropriate about why we have not been able to talk to Ca. Why she doesn't have access to a phone any longer and why if we travelled there it might be hard to see her. I don't fault Ca. The chance to raise your children in a village that might be more relaxed than G.C. - is much like urban flight. The chance to not work two jobs and be worried for your safety day after night after night, is a very concern. The chance to have a partner to raise your children is what many of us seek our whole lives. She is going to get that. It will just be harder for J. and C. to get what they need from her, when they need it.

We are hopeful to keep in contact. To offer what we can in terms of support and/or education. To offer our own anonymity (we have said that we would just be US sponsors to her family) when she needs it. But I can't help feeling only a portion of what J. is expressing right now. A deep sadness.

Practice Makes More Practice

2012-01-08T20:35:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure that if you aren't in education this post will matter much to you - its me thinking out loud about career path and practice.

More than a month ago I headed to the Learning Forward conference in Anaheim - a powerful gathering of shakers and movers in the educational community. There were many people there that were and are and will be the thought leaders, the brain power behind education and educational reform. I sat in rooms listening to many of them and even got to have a few one on one conversations about next steps and current practices in education.

I came away with two big ideas about how I would change education systemically - not the pie in the sky ideas, but the ideas that I know that I could implement given the chance. The first of them is the implementation of the National Standards for Staff Development - the standards that teachers and administrators should adhere their own learning and practice to. The Nat'l Standards are one their third iteration and they are good stuff. AND, I didn't know they existed. Yes, I am in my 10th year of teaching and I didn't know the gold standard for learning within the profession even existed.

My second big idea was how to communicate about data. Despite what may be out there, what people may be reading and saying, teachers want data. They want information on their students and they want to know how to teach better to the gaps and chasms in their students' learning. There are ways to talk about data that are non-threatening, which is good. But there are also ways to talk about data which help teachers make immediate decisions that impact the students that they are teaching right now.

I took away some really big thoughts, about my job and my pathway. I am a high school band director. I teach music to 220 students a day. I really like it because I can have impact daily. I can communicate much more than notes and phrasing during a 55 minutes rehearsal. I get to see the same kiddos every day. Band directors are a funny breed - they want to have this huge impact, but so often they get caught up in the process. I think school administrators and other teachers are also in that same boat, because they want to have this big impact, but they get caught up in the politics or the process, en mired in the day-to-day.

As far as I could tell I was the only music teacher at the conference - the only band director. That's fine and probably not surprising, but it did make me feel isolated (that's also a trend in high school music teachers.) The pathway from band director to thought leader is few and far between. The process of teaching music becomes all encompassing and the concert becomes the only outcome.

I want more than that and I want to be part of more than that - I always have. But getting off the path of having student contact, the place where I make the day-to-day impact and moving to a place where I know I will be easily enmeshed in politics is less than pleasant.

10-15 years ago when I was getting my music education degree I didn't know that there were standards in professional development - that teachers and schools could follow a researched set of guidelines to become better learning institutions. 5 years I didn't know it either. It speaks volumes about the profession and the teacher education processes when we don't embrace our own beneficial research. When the school districts, the teachers, the schools don't want to follow the pathway that has been researched and laid out - regardless of how far it is away from what the current practice is.

The ideal I hold up is high. I want to be that person that can go between practitioner and thought leader. I have good thoughts about how to implement great research. I have good ideas for that research too. There just doesn't seem to be a way to walk both paths.

Fav Foto Viernes: Los Tres Reyes

2012-01-06T02:00:00.003-06:00

Three kings? Not so much. Three funny girlies, why yes.

Wise? Sometimes. Giggly? Mostly.

This week's theme is "Wise." My original intent was to celebrate Epiphany and the arrival of the Three Kings.

We read several books that we loved all about the three kings. The magic of them arriving by night (I know, similar to Santa, but seemed to tie the gift giving in well) and the setting the shoes out really intrigued me.

But the beginning of the work week after the return from almost 2 weeks off was brutal.

My kiddos made masks this week and used glitter glue like it was going out of style.

"Wise" would be a new Dyson vaccuum ad campaign "Keeps on sucking until all the glitter is up."

What was your wisdom? Did you celebrate "Los Tres Reyes?" What kind of wisdom are you hoping for in 2012?

Link up, leave some love and enjoy your weekend!

Next week's theme is "Hopeful."

Strong Banana

2012-01-05T21:25:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure what made me tape the conversation, but this is classic A. Explaining and explaning, giving tons of details and being totally oblivious to her surroundings.

She's mostly the cutest thing I have ever seen, unless you look at her sister hanging upside down in the backgound - also, pretty durn cutie.

Dragging feet

2012-01-03T21:45:00.000-06:00

It was an abrupt halt to our Christmas Break this morning.

We celebrated New Year's with friends - teaching them to roll sushi and letting our 7 kiddos run with glow sticks and party poppers all night. We went to the water park, the zoo, sledding (on 1/2 inch of snow,) ice skating, took walks, used sidewalk chalk in December, stayed in jammies for a few extra hours and had great family movie nights.

I have some big thoughts on education - ones that I have saved for a month. Ones that I am reluctant to share because of my recent discouragement. Its hard to put a finger on, and maybe seasonal, but I want to much for all the conversations that we have about education to be a) in the best interest of students and b) be ethical and honest and not be behind closed doors. I want to be part of a profession that treats its practioners' growth on par with that of its customers' successes and achievements. Its ideal, I'm sure. Its also discouraging.

We had long days of cuddles and some harsh and hopeful moments with all three girls. Mostly, after a really raw beginning to December, we are in a really good spot. And I just want to enjoy it, wallow in it, and snuggle in it a while.

With my girlies.

Nevermind the blurries - its just me keeping it realistic that we only get lucky when all three look AND smile at the camera.

2011 going into 2012

2011-12-30T14:10:00.000-06:00

11 Things in 2011 that were memorable:
1.) My trip to Costa Rica with my students - life changing from many perspectives
2.) A trip to Chicago with DH for my birthday - good to be reminded of "just us"
3.) No more diapers in June
4.) No more cribs in July
5.) 2 kiddos learning to swim and ride their bikes with no training wheels
6.) A completed Duathlon in under 2 hours
7.) A trip to the North Shore that was memorable and really enjoyable with the girls
8.) J. started kindergarten
9.) A. started preschool with C. (no more Joannie's - so missed)
10.) A new component of my job that uses a bit of my administrative thought processes.
11.) A really calm, collected, mindful and slowed down Christmas with so much to be thankful for.

11 things I hope to leave behind
1.) Wishing for what I don't/can't/won't have
2.) My frustration with tantrums that really could have been solved through "front loading."
3.) Missed road races
4.) Not enjoying the little moments that make up the big moments
5.) Not learning Photoshop or our camera better
6.) Feeling over committed and not doing anything about it
7.) Feeling frustrated with educational politics (the real and local ones) and not sharing m voice
8.) J.'s frustration with kindergarten
9.) The summer of 2011 where we saw so many tantrums with so very few solutions or respite.
10.) J Crew Final Sale - they get me every time and its so rarely worth it
11.) Not enjoying right here and right now.

12 Things I hope for 2012
1.) To participate more fully in our student sponsorships at Mayan Families.
2.) To run all 5 Team Ortho races
3.) To plan, schedule and book our trip to Guatemala
4.) To sketch out our timeline for Costa Rica
5.) To run a half marathon in under 2 hours - well, confidently
6.) To call J. and C.'s Guatemala Mom more often
7.) To be more compassionate - more gentle with my words
8.) To make plans for our 10th anniversary
9.) To make plans for summer vacation - well in advance of those three months
10.) Make more sew-y, crafty things with and for the girls
11.) Run outside, in new places, more often
12.) Take the girls on more messy, dirty, silly, funny adventures.

Fav Foto Viernes: Viejo y nuevo

2011-12-30T02:00:00.001-06:00

This week's theme is Old and New. On Christmas Eve we headed to church for the open invitation pagent. It never gets old seeing the girls excited to take part.A. was the most enthusiastic angel, who got the closest to Baby Jesus (yelling - her only volume - "Mom he has his eyes open.") We celebrated Christmas at Mema's house - with favorite old recipes, getting new jammies and missing my brother and sister and their spouses.

The girls got a new book from Auntie Clair and Tio 'Wardo - appropriately titled Where's Waldo?

The girls were fascinated. Still are.

And we celebrated Christmas Day with Granpa Pop and Kim and earlier Grani and Auntie K.

Good stuff.

There were lots of goods and news in 2011. Lots of things to be thankful for. Lots of worries we left behind. Lots of changes in parenting and patience that we are proud of.

We are looking forward to 2012.

What are you looking forward to?

Link up, leave some love and enjoy the beginning of 2012!

(New themes posted.)

Fav Foto Viernes: Noche

2011-12-23T02:00:00.002-06:00

This week's theme: Night.

I just got the girls down to bed. They have school on Friday. DH and I both have a day together to finish a teeny bit of shopping and ideally have a georgeous Cuban breakfast together.

We usually play Christmas simply. Not that there isn't magic, but maybe not as much gifting things and more time spent together.

My dear friend Merie once shared with me a brillant idea for Christmas gifts: something to wear, something to share, something to read, something you need. That's what we mostly stick to. It seems to keep it simple and thoughtful.

Waiting for Cinderella (the Broadway show in town) to start. All three girls loved it!

A. needed to wear her crown "in case Cinderella wants to know other princesses."

At the end A yelled, over the audience clapping, "Cinderella waved just at me, did you see that?"

I did.

We have done lots of family dinners this month too - at the table, not at the stools/counter.

There's lots of singing and sillies and some squabbles too, but we are mostly good.

Good and ready.

Good and joyful.

How have you spent the last few weeks or days? What's special to you?

What do you want to post about in the last 5 days of the year?

Link up, leave some love and enjoy your weekend.

Our Contribution to the Christmahanukwanzaakah Holiday Concert

2011-12-21T19:23:00.001-06:00

Neil Kramer (but I found it at Kristen Howerton) at Citizen of the Month hosts an annual Christmahanukwanzaakah Holiday Concert. I saw it posted all over last year, but as a music teacher what do I post? Stuff from my ensembles (that would be fun, but definitely pose a privacy issue) or stuff that I sing (do you know I raise my voice a lot so I have damaged vocal chords - sweet for singing nicely - no) or stuff from the girls (non-compliant at best.)

For Advent I learned this song ages ago at church. Its about light and darkness and goes well with the longest night of the year and the lights. We do an Advent wreath (mostly candles, skip the greenery for fire purposes) and have lots more family dinners in December.

Here's our quick video from tonight. Never mind the wine glass - just keeping it real people.

Words:

Candle, Candle burning bright
Burning in the cold winter's night
Candle, Candle burning bright
Fill our hearts with Christmas Light

Monday Meditation: A little warning would have been appropriate

2011-12-19T20:22:00.001-06:00

We had this great weekend - a weekend where DH and I planned out lots of little things to get the girls engaged in Christmas - excited about seeing lights, about giving presents, about spending time with family. I have to be honest, its not much about Santa or presents. I like Santa and I'm not anti Santa, but the whole lying to your kid, after you work so hard to establish trust with them doesn't feel super good to me. Yes, we do Elf on the Shelf, yes we talk about Jesus occasionally, yes we also talk about Santa, but mostly we talk about light and being thankful and giving presents to others.

On Saturday DH and I had a great idea. We have a movie projector that we have never used that we wanted to try out, and pop a little popcorn, watch a movie on the big screen in jammies in our living room. Good idea huh?

Departure: I'm a member of 4 listservs serving adoptive families. I am part of 2 FB groups talking about children adopted from Guatemala. I read a bazillion adoption blogs, blogs about traumatized children, blogs about little kids, crafts for kids, playthings for kids, good momma things to know blogs.

Also: My kids don't watch TV. A little PBS kids on the lap top and a few select movies, one of them being Kung Fu Panda.

Yes, I know that Kung Fu Panda had a small adoption theme and yes I read one time on ONE FB group that Kung Fu Panda 2 talked more about adoption.

On Saturday night 35 minutes into the movie, we were in way over our heads. The more about adoption in KFP2 included key phrases like...

"Your parents gave you up because they didn't love you."
"Your real parents didn't love you."
"You were found in a radish basket."
"I have no idea who I am, where I'm going, who I am going to be."

Adoption is grief and loss. Its really a crummy thing on a couple of levels. DH and I parent from a place that is much different than where we naively thought we would be at this point. Our daughters, all three of them, are beautiful and it goes without saying that we love them to the end of the earth and back, but...

Adoption is really tough stuff and is about sadness and loss at the very most primal level.

How is it as an adoption community that this movie, about significant issues in adoption, and maybe some of them stated well (and others not so much), was never talked about? How is it that kids in the adoption community are not talking about it? How is it as parents we are not talking about it? And not just the movie, but the language and the trauma and loss?**

**edited to add: I think the movie is fine. I'm sure we would not have watched it IF I had previewed it - my fault. I don't blame the adoptionc ommunity - absolutely not - just that I was surprised the conversation wasn't out there or that I didn't manage to come across it.

I'm sure if I poked around on the internets I could find a post or 12 about KFP2 and its implications in the adoption community, but some how it didn't cross my path before we got to Saturday night.

AND, this is NOT to say that the language about identity and "real" parents and loss and sadness and abandonment are not important conversations. And they are conversations that we have covered many times before in our house, through a variety of different conversations and books.

However, the conversation between C. and I at the end of the night, was not something I expected to have when she was 4.

C.: "Mom?"
Me: "Yes C."
C. "Did you find me in a vegetable basket?"
Me: "No C., your Guatemala momma did not leave you in a vegetable basket. She loved you and planned for you and she is sad every day that you are not near her."
C. "I'm sad too."
C. "Mom."
Me: "Yes."
C.: "Don't leave me in a vegetable basket please."
Me: "No baby, I won't, no one left you in a vegetable basket and no one will."

Anticipation

2011-12-18T20:19:00.000-06:00

I know that I like the lead up better than the day itself.

Fav Foto Viernes: Joia

2011-12-16T20:54:00.000-06:00

This week's theme is "Joy."
(Sorry for the tardiness on my part - there was no Joy involved.)

However, we have been finding LOTs of Joy in the little things.

DH and I went to a Rat Pack themed party last week. I had a good time raiding the school costume shop, DH had a great time wearing a fancy hat.

It was a nice night out with a short bit of quiet time at the end - perfect.

DH, who grew up north of me, never learned to skate, But he went out and got the girls skates last week.

We took them all sakting expecting meltdowns and instead we had brave little skaters on our hands.

C. loved it - stuck with it and them let me skate her around the ice.

J. did really well - using a broom and having a great time figuring it all out.

Tonight we headed to the light parade.

A warm night (over 20) and cookies made for great parade watching and lots of smiles.

How is your joy quotient? What part of December do you LOVE and get overly joyful about?

Link up, leave some love and enjoy your weekend!

Doubles!

2011-12-12T11:16:00.000-06:00

Talk about multi-tasking.

Fav Foto Viernes: Preparacion

2011-12-09T02:00:00.000-06:00

This week's theme: Preparation

Whether its getting ready for a little break or for a holiday.

A. and C. at X's birthday party. A baking party!

My goodness - these girlies are going to be professional cookie-ers shortly.

I love that both girls are so serious and concentrating.

Our elf, Gingerbread, showed up on the 1st. After watching all the funnies on Pinterest, we have been getting a whole bunch more creative. The girls laughed so hard at his pretend picnic yesterday morning.

This has little to do with preparation. Its a leftover from Thanksgiving but I think its hilarious. A. flying a kite that is reeled out 200 feet. We thought she was going to fly away with it. Maybe "preparing" to fly?

How are you preparing for Christmas, or for time away from the routine?

What do you do differently? What do you do to reel in expectations, if at all?
Link up, leave some love, enjoy your weekend!

Fav Foto Viernes: Sonrisas

2011-12-02T02:00:00.003-06:00

This week's theme is "Sonrisas" - Smiles.

I love these cuddly smiles - this slowed down day, with comfy pants on a Saturday.

This proud smile - the one where she looks up from what she is doing and is pleased with herself - makes me smile, and relax.

What made you smile this week? What are you looking forward to next week?

Link up, leave some love and enjoy your weekend.

Someone's in the kitchen with...

2011-11-30T20:39:00.000-06:00

As the girls are getting older and can a) sit still for slightly longer than an ant and b) won't put in their mouth whatever the non-food substance is in front of them, I am getting better at making messes and crafts with them.

On Sunday we made salt dough ornaments. Originally I had found this cute pin about salt dough tags and they were white and looked like they had been stamped - cute and crafty for me have never mixed, so that didn't turn out. BUT the salt dough? Great idea for the girls. It could be rolled out a bazillion times, not too sticky and no one wanted to eat it.

I think the chef hats (a gift) are hilarious! And the girls love to pretend they are "cookers."

And at the end of a crazy week - oh wait, today is greakin' Wednesday - we came home and made gingerbread. I wasn't up for making a whole roll from scratch so a doctored up a sugar cookie mix with molasses and spices. It was fantastically fun.

At the beginning where C. explains how we are going to do it. She's emphatic.

And then we get dirty and you can tell who is starting to be a little silly.

She's also instigating a big mess.

My sillies.

Happy Wednesday.

I am hopeful

2011-11-29T20:16:00.000-06:00

After calming, re-calming, re-re-calming and an early bed time. I am hopeful.

There is so much joy in this child.

I feel fortunate to be her mom.

I so hope, that after the anger subsides, she likes me as her mom.

Monday Meditation: Preparation as Mindfulness

2011-11-28T20:37:00.000-06:00

Several times over the long weekend I heard on NPR that Thanksgiving is the most "psychologically correct" holiday. It gives time and space for people to think about their relationships and the goodness in their lives and removes the gift giving panic that seems to strike just a few hours/days/weeks later. In the post weekend wrap up of Black Friday and Cyber Monday, I'm not so sure that there is anything psychologically appropriate or good about hoards of shoppers descending on a $2 waffle iron.

Kristen Howerton, of Rage Against the Minivan posted her #occupyChristmas badge on her blog and on Pinterest this weekend and it seemed to strike a chord with several friends and bloggers.

I am probably not all about the crafty - I can sew, but I can't knit or crochet. And really, I can't sew that well, I just do it and take pictures from far away. Our gift of choice is often tickets - tickets to do something, see something, hear something and while you are at it, support a local arts organization. We abide by many of these, not pridefully, but its just what feels good.

For the girls, we really never bought bunches of plastic things. Sure, we had a few ride along toys and we certainly have a few Barbies and Cars, but they do not make up the majority of the things that the girls play with. And they don't play with the plastics for very long regardless. They get books and art supplies, jammies and something big to share. Once they get a bit older we'll do tickets to do something, see something or be in something - piano, gymnastics, art classes, how to make a tutu class - something that they can take with them long after Christmas season has been gone.

I really like Advent. Not for its ideals about the Christ Child and the Holy Virgin Birth, but for the preparation and the thought process that goes into making other people happy. Really it should have very little to do with gift giving and lots to do with thinking about making other people happy - shelters, food banks, musical gatherings. I don't want to expect a present, but I do want to expect and prepare to make other people joyful. Joy comes in lots of packages - most of them are not tangible.

What are you doing to reframe the holiday season at your house? For your kiddos? For you? What's one tradition you will start? What's one you hope top leave behind?

Sunday Saddies

2011-11-27T20:56:00.000-06:00

The lack of a schedule, or rather, the quantity of days off from school finally caught up with us today. C. was a wreck. I think that if DH and I had seen it coming, we would have been less frustrated and beside ourselves with frustration. That wasn't the case.

We'll try again tomorrow.

Thankful

2011-11-26T20:16:00.000-06:00

I'm thankful...

..that our family is adventurous and active - that we seek new adventures and celebrate bouncy-ness!

This was our Wednesday evening activity before a 15 person soup dinner at our house - filled with all the close people that I know.

Thursday morning was kite flying on a hill in 50 degree weather! Oh snow, you can stay away for-evah!

And then sometime this summer my dad and K. decided that no one really loves turkey anyway so lets do something different.

So we all chose 3 countries, put them in a hat and drew one.

The country drawn would have games, food and traditions celebrated at our house.

We drew, randomly, Guatemala.

Thanksgiving was chicken pepian, banana and black bean empanadas, a goergeous beef stew, flan

and a rousing game of lotteria!

... with family.

Being silly.

Being close.

Aren't they cute?

And a 8am breakfast meeting before trips to the airport.

Thankful for my family.

(My apologies for no FFF. Somewhere between working all the way up to Wednesday afternoon at 4, hosting 15 people, celebrating Thanksgiving, bouncing on trampolines and hosting more dinner parties I forgot. December themes up on Monday. Suggestions?)

Jump!

2011-11-22T19:43:00.000-06:00

Two years ago DH and I got the girls a bounce house.

Best purchase ever.

Also, we wait until there is snow to break it out.

They have waited and those last few minutes of watching it blow up seemed to be an eternity.

We love to jump!

Best idea for a Christmas gift for little ones?

We are always looking for the next best snow season indoor toy.

Monday Meditation: Genuflect

2011-11-21T19:35:00.000-06:00

I am overly anxious. About everything. Its been one of the most difficult beginning to the school years I have ever had. Maybe its because of the economy, my slightly different job job, my slightly reduced teaching FTE, my student load or J. starting kindergarten. Either way I have brought my job stress home with me in a while.

If I could tell you all of the student stories that have unfolded in my office, after moments of walking in the door or seconds before walking out you would cry with me. I used to hear those stories and be sad. And now I know that I can't just be sad. There has to be some push back, some next step, some repercussion. And I have to be the one to dole it out.

Mostly I'm o.k. with that. Instead of just listening I often encourage kids to take the next step, to say one more thing, to name a feeling, just that helps them to not just say what they are thinking, but to own it.

But I'm taking a lot of it home with me. I'm really sad for kiddos and for families. Maybe because I have kids of my own, maybe because I have been teaching for 10 years and I would like to see consistently good outcomes or maybe because I know that I can make a difference.

How are you taking the next step? How do you not take it all home with you?

Sunday Sno Day

2011-11-20T19:33:00.000-06:00

The girls headed out both Saturday and Sunday to enjoy the snow.

A. wanted to make snow angels out of the 1/2 inch on the driveway.

And then the disco fairies showed up after church.

The disco fairies may be having a hard time differentiating between statues, fairies and kung-fu masters.

Lazy Saturday

2011-11-19T19:29:00.000-06:00

... which for the record was just fine with me.

DH got up at 8am to rake every last freakin' leaf off of our lawn.

Apparently not a minute too soon...

J. watched the snow come down at 10am.

And in case you think we take good pictures all of the time...

...its a good 8-10 odd ones...

...before someone gets hurt.

Fav Foto Viernes: Agradecido Tres

2011-11-18T00:01:00.001-06:00

In a week we'll be on the backside of Thanksgiving.Rushing towards the next holiday. Today I am thankful for...

41. ...J. who reflects on her choices and knows that she wants to be kinder.

42. ...curly hair that never ceases to amaze.

43. ...a growing Spanish vocabulary that is so astounding in all three of my kids and contagious.

44. ...three little girls who think doing homework is so fun, and important, and funny, and colorful.

45. ...J.'s Spanish sonidos (the sounds of letters) song that never fails to make DH and I laugh (especially the hand motions.)

46. ...a mommy and girls night that ended with giggles not fits of frustration.

47. ...a C. that fights her nap at school so she can be carried in from the car at the end of the day.

48. ...a C. who builds nail file and hair binder bridges all over the bathroom while I'm showering in the morning.

49. ...this cheesy grin.

50. ...a child that so desperately wants to wear tights, all day every day that we are on round 6 of tights in 3 weeks. Joy is funny, so is this kid.

Link up, leave some love, enjoy your weekend.

What are you thankful for, how are you helping your kiddos think about Thanksgiving?

Tiger Mom Revisited

2011-11-17T20:48:00.000-06:00

The past two weeks have been really nuts. Lots of reflecting, a little more stress, more reflecting, more stress. Its not one thing, its many. And its kind of o.k. Being that busy at school means that I am working with colleagues to make things better for kids. That's good. Its invigorating and exhausting.

The girls have been really in this funny place - they feed off of our collective stress, but they are also in this place where they are into the routine so they know what to expect and know when they can take it easy. They find these little bits of time in the morning and in the afternoon where they get every blanket/toy/princess outfit out and pretend, shoulder-to-shoulder, making up funny bits of dialogue and conversation about kitties and princesses.

Lately is been hard to not to feel like a Tiger Mother. When school sent home an email about kindergartners getting a fairly large, and what I deem an "older kid" type of reward (something I would typically see for spirit week in my high school) I really debated on whether to send an email about extrinsic rewards in education to the principal (yes, I am that mom.) When J. had a playdate this week and I saw some really crummy kid behavior directed at my child, it was hard not to go into full blown teacher/no-bullying mode. When the student in my class that I have known for several years started showing signs of unethical and further chemical dependency behavior, it was hard to not react without engaging extreme emotions.

But if I don't do it, who does? I'm sure I come across as that mom who is over protective and over anxious. I know that I have more constraints on my parenting permissions than some of my peers. My hope is not to raise sheltered children, but to raise kiddos that love being together, love each other, respect their educational opportunities and know how to treat people with kindness and empathy.

Does stress bring about a different kind of parenting in you? Do you reflect on your own parenting choices often? What leads you to peace that you are doing right by your kiddos?

Quote

2011-11-16T21:11:00.000-06:00

Quote of the day at 9:30am:

"Ms. T. why do you have to care so freakin' much. Just let me fail."

Me: "No thanks. Let's try again. Tomorrow."

Whew! Tough week and its only freakin' Wednesday.

Monday Meditation: Glimmers

2011-11-14T05:42:00.001-06:00

C. and A. had their preschool performance on Saturday. They did dances from Guatemala. A. loved it. C. tolerated it and could be talked through going up on stage.

By coincidence, C.'s skirt looks remarkably like the pattern her Guatemalan mom wears.

Sometimes I see glimmers of what they will be like in 10 years. Healthy, bright, funny, loving.

And sometimes I can't see it.

Or I'm so worried at where C. is now.

That maybe she won't be able to be there, or that I have let her down.

Working On

2011-11-13T21:11:00.000-06:00

I'm in the middle of reading Phillip Schlechty's second book Engaging Students: The Next Level of Working on the Work. Its a set of 12 standards that school leadership teams employ to help teachers and buildings look at how students are engaged. Engaged students learn more, learn better, take the information with them and apply it, they synthesize it, they recreate it, they make learning dynamic and personalize it for themselves. BUT, before they can do any of that the teacher has to be a designer not a planner. A planner teacher puts together assignments and work for students to do regardless of what may or may not motivate a student. A designer teacher looks at what the students needs to know it and then makes it personal for the student - either through content, or cohort, or meaningful relationship.

Schlechty identifies the engaged student as a student who knows the work is meaningful, he/she is attentive, persistent and committed to the work - ideally through intrinsic motivation. Students now, students since I was in high school 15 years ago, are different. The teacher is no longer the smartest person in the room. The teacher can no longer be the holder and purveyor of information any longer. Teachers as designers have to motivate students and engage them to personalize the information that students find and digest. We no longer find and ask them to digest it for us.

What Schlechty misses? He talks about students who are not compliant, about students who have "sentiments and orientations" that make engaging in the learning uninteresting, but he fails to nail the point home. Students with "sentiments and orientations" that are different from the teacher, the school system, US public education are not rebellious, they are experiencing white privilege (17.) They are not engaged by the teacher or by the system, because the system has not engaged them from the beginning.

He furthers this discussion by noting that "We need to honor many forms of intellectual work that currently are not honored in the narrow definition of what matters in school." We don't need to honor many forms of work, we need to personalize them, include them, expand our use of texts and increase our academic cannons to include those of different faiths and races, those of different belief systems and skin colors so that students can personalize all pieces of the learning process.

Students already personalize their own learning process on their smart phone. Its the least we can do.

So damn cute

2011-11-12T14:28:00.000-06:00

Fav Foto Viernes: Agradecido Dos

2011-11-11T01:00:00.002-06:00

This week's theme? More "thankful."

I'm thankful for...

31. ...C. who wakes up every morning ready to start over.

32. ...the end of a teaching week that reminded me why I enjoy the philosophy of education work, but also the student interaction of my job.

33. ... the trust and belief of my administrator that I do good work in the classroom.

33. ... cinnamon toast and GF brownies from my mom.

34. ...a more patient and better problem solving C.

35. ...me being more patient and a better problem solver with C.

36. ...C. because she is outstanding georgeous, hilarious, strong, quick, funny, chatty and my daughter.

37. ...friends to celebrate fall, friendships and dia de los muertos.

38. ...girlies who didn't care much about Daylight Savings and wanted to wake up and snuggle anyway.

39. ...reading books with the girls every evening.

40. ...getting the giggles with my husband over the humor section on Pinterest.

What do you do at your house to get ready for Thanksgiving? What do you look forward to cooking? to eating? To not cooking?

Link up, leave some love, have a great weekend!

Train

2011-11-10T21:21:00.000-06:00

I'm thankful for...

21. ...my girls who love playing together, all the time.

22. ...having dear friends who send us matching jackets.

23. ...three little girls who love to match and show no signs of stopping me.

24. ...November weather that has held off until just today in showing signs of winter.

25. ...Thanksgiving plans with my family that will be joy filled and full of family time.

26. ...a 5 year old that wants a chapter book read to her every night - and asks for the next chapter, because "it sounds good."

27. ...a hula-hooping fiend of a 4 year old that made us all giggle.

28. ...A. who asks me to sleep with her every night and pats my face to make sure I'm still there.

29. ...homemade, fool proof risotto.

30. ...pep band. Teaching it, making music with kids and playing for a winning football team is really fun.

Levy

2011-11-09T20:23:00.000-06:00

DH and I watched our local election results come in. We stayed up a little late watching for the school district I teach to get their two ballot questions in. At 9:30, of the two polling stations, one had not turned in votes. It looked like only 1 of the 2 questions was going to pass. By 11:00 last night both questions had passed. Not by huge margins, but enough to know that the community was mostly supporting the school district.

Sometimes its hard to watch our taxes climb. Its also really hard to see students struggle and not be able to meet their needs because of huge class sizes, stretched to capacity classrooms and out dated technology be a part of the discussion as to why I can't meet a particular child's need.

Today I watched and listened to a few students talk about the results. Several mentioned they they or their parents disagreed with the results - they didn't believe the schools needed more money. Its hard to be a fly on the wall and not interject when my opinion differs so much - but I did sit silently (maybe fuming.)

A school district that I grew up in passed their levy and referendum by over 80%. The schools in this district are excellent. They aren't mediocre, or just getting the job done, they are providing candidates for top notch colleges around the country. The discussion about excellence in education is happening there all the time - it had been since I was a 3rd grader. They are not always the most technology minded, or the most equity focused. They are not always the most innovative, but their are the most excellence driven. Their community believes that their students should go to college. The community believes that their students should be academically some of the best.

20 years ago, the levies and referendums didn't pass so handily. Last night, the community's drive for educating all of their children was very well heard.

Monday Meditation: On Teaching

2011-11-07T21:18:00.000-06:00

Krista Tipett, NPR radio host of the "On Being" series, recently talked about the spirituality of parenting. Her program is always powerful to me and I usually come away with a book to read, a resource to find, or a new way to think about something. Her premise of this particular show was based on the fact that as people and family units are less connected to religious institutions, parents often look at their children as a window into the innate spirituality of human wonder.

Today and yesterday were two of the sadder days in teaching that I have had in a while.

Yesterday a student of mine, a student who I have worked with on so many occasions was badly beat up. The student was injured badly enough to leave everyone around scared and worried. Bad enough that when I saw the injuries yesterday they took my breath away and I had no words. The student, regardless of choices or worries, regardless or words, didn't deserve that treatment and won't recover physically or mentally for a very long time.

Today I learned of a former student's death. He was 18. He struggled to make it into class, struggled to make good and honest choices, struggled to make any kind of a connection with the school building at all.

Teaching is really about looking at humanity through a variety of lenses; a discovery lens, a lens of compassion, a lens of learning, a lens of mentor ship and ethics. Teaching for me, many days, is all those things - not because it is honorable, because I sure didn't go into band directing because it was honorable - I went into teaching to make connections and teach my craft, help kids enjoy what I enjoyed when I was in high school. It really was that simple when I was 18, 19 and 20 making those decisions about career paths.

Today teaching was not about reflecting on what I could have done differently. Today, teaching was about showing compassion. To the student that was hurt so badly? It was not asking 10 more questions about the situation - no matter how much I wanted to. To the student that didn't wake up a few days ago? It was about not placing blame and instead seeing where I can do a better job next time.

I have this gigantic class of 9th graders this year. More in one class than I have had in at least 6 years. There are 4 rows of 10-12 kiddos, plus percussion students (and that's a big PLUS.) Playing instruments, making music, for 55 minutes with me every day. There are at least 10 that won't want to continue on next year, just based on past numbers. There are 8 that will struggle with getting band in their schedules because they need to pick up a remedial or study help class in the 10th grade. There are 10 that are so behind on their instrument that playing next to their peers is probably a huge long shot. There are at least 5, where this is the only class where they do not need to me to know how well they (can't) read, There are a few who have already expressed that band is their favorite part of the day and an equal number who it is not. There are several who will try to make music semi-professionally.

I like knowing what each kid does well in, what they like about band, which is their favorite song, what they want to get better on for the year. I like seeing them work hard to attain a goal. I like seeing them stand and smile after a concert, but I like it even more when they clap for themselves after a good rehearsal recording. I like writing college recommendations. I love talking about college with every student who comes through my door. I wait for the 9th grade parents of boys to tell me that their kid is really quiet at home and for the 10th grade parents of girls to tell me how much they are butting heads with their child. I love hearing students talk to each other about making music.

It hurts to see a child in pain - one who you have known for a while, one who you have reached. It hurts to see a student never make it - one you only knew for a short while and one you didn't reach.

Teaching is spiritual in that it examines the human experience - theirs and mine.

Stewardship

2011-11-06T20:08:00.000-06:00

I saw lots of posts about "Orphan Sunday" and being proud of adoption. I'm pleased that my family looks the way that it does and I love all three of my girls, but I'm not proud of adoption. Its hard to be proud of an institution that is closed in so many countries because of a variety of corruptions. I am proud of my children - for who they are and who we are as a family, but I could equally if maybe not be more appropriately be happy for them, filled with joy at what they do, or overwhelmed by feelings of blessing. Proud of adoption doesn't seem to address the idea appropriately.

Our church, thankfully, doesn't celebrate "Orphan Sunday" - today the service was centered on children - children in our congregation, children in our community and children in the world. The church is creating a stewardship campaign that reflects that - a way to recognize both the children in our church, giving back to them and giving to them in the future - as good stewards of the community and the earth.

The campaign, the idea, the full circle story of adoption and "Orphan Sunday" seems to really be about giving to those that are less fortunate - not finding families for those children that do not have homes. The idea that children need homes is valiant, but creating a healthy community that can provide for the heath and education, the prosperity and ethical responsibility of all of its community members is much more honorable - its forward thinking, its stewardship that gives back to the community and to the earth.

Pac-Man

2011-11-05T19:55:00.000-05:00

11-20

11. I'm thankful for a silly and creative husband who gets his drill out to carve a pumpkin.

12. I'm thankful for 50 degree weather on a November night.

13. I'm thankful that I enjoy high school football as much as I do, since I'll be seeing at least 2 more games of it this season.

14. I'm thankful for a fantastic pulled pork recipe from my brother that is so fantastic that I finished dinner and continued to think about seconds thirds and fourths for several hours.

15. I'm thankful for friends who enjoy the outdoors, share their kiddos with ours and love adventure because of their parenting, not despite it.

16. I'm thankful my sister is coming home for an extended Thanksgiving.

17. I'm thankful that I'm madly in love with my husband - every day.

18. I'm thankful for a cuddly A. - a mama's girl through and through who knows how to get and give hugs.

19. I'm thankful for a Saturday filled with chores and summed up with friends and really great fiestas.

20. I'm thankful that I enjoy being a mom - that its really lovely in so many ways, even when its really hard.

Fav Foto Viernes: Agradecido

2011-11-04T07:57:00.000-05:00

Happy November!

I often read A Bushel and a Peck and love the idea of listing 1,000 reasons for giving thanks (she does at the end of each blog post.) I thought I would try to do just a fraction of that on each Friday of November.

10 things to be thankful for each Friday.

1. A Halloween that was warm enough to enjoy running up and down the street.
2. 3 girlies who were delighted with their costumes and enjoyed the magic of dressing up.
3. J. who is doing fantastically in school.
4. C. who sat on my lap after dinner for 15 minutes just wanted to be rocked and hugged.
5. A. who has slept through many nights, but is also consolable when she can't sleep.
6. 2 new clean closets.
7. Music in 2 of my ensembles that I am enjoying teaching and listening to.
8. Crossing off of many things on my to-do list.
9. J. who took such care in carving her own pumpkin - a plan and a knife!
10. A beautiful memorial service that was both inspiring and relieving.

Link up, leave some love, enjoy your weekend!

Teaching Expectations

2011-11-03T20:37:00.000-05:00

I have had a series of student interactions lately that have made me really pause and think about the way in which teachers have a chance to connect with kids in their classroom. The interactions are on many levels painful. Hard for me to have, hard to see students hurt and hard to do anything about. There are very few answers to the problems that are presented.

I have a child in band who can not sit still. The instrument in their lap gets fiddled with all class period long - taken apart, picked at, peered into. The child smells unpleasant, walks into the room late, is regularly distracted. Today was a low point for this child. I had to redirect them several times - very purposefully, trying not to let any frustration show in my voice, because what that child did not need was another adult telling them what to do. At the end of a class a short two sentence touch base....Me: "Tough day today, huh? Did you get breakfast this morning." Student: "No, my dad and I argued about everything and I'm hungry. Sorry. I'll do better."

I connect with a particular senior student regularly. A senior who has no parent support, in fact many would say the parent is a strong detractor to their success. No one wakes this child up. No one feeds them. Sometimes the parent calls the school angrily to complain about a very minor incident or even something fabricated. The student just ignores it. They live well below the poverty line. Last year they lived in a car. The child wears the same 3 things to school every day. An excellent musician, wants to be musical and make a career out of music - and probably could. A brief check-in about college plans over the past two weeks has shown that there are no plans, no expectations and not even a glimmer of hope of a community college. We'll have that conversation shortly, but the reality of this child making it through college with no family support and no finances is slim.

Today I went to J.'s parent-teacher conferences. She is doing well. She should be - she spent 2 years in a full day Spanish Immersion preschool and she is well beyond the colors, shapes and basic numbers that the kids are doing in her class. She is bored. She is also quiet. Her teacher wants to set a goal for her to be more outgoing and confident. Those are things that I want for J., but I also know that her personality, to be reserved and patient with her own words may never become "outgoing and confident."

Yesterday DH had been out of town for several days with work. C. was in a mode where completing any task was next to impossible. She wanted to do well. She said she wanted to listen. She was aware of consequences and was able to do several "re-do's" when it wasn't working out, but it was me who didn't meet her where she was. I neglected to remind her over and over and over again that DH was coming home today. He would pick her up from school and it would be safe and o.k.

C. woke up three times last night - coming in to see if DH was home. At 3am and 4am I put her back to bed with very little processing. Finally at 5am when she came in I reminded her that dad always comes home and he was coming home soon and it was o.k. and here, let me give you an extra hug and a cuddle. And she went back to sleep. She needed to have her expectation of safety and security met before she could do any of the other expectations that I had laid out for her.

Humor is the best medicine

2011-11-02T20:51:00.000-05:00

The girls have been hilarious for the past few days. Absolutely hysterical.

At breakfast this morning (all of 6:15am)
A.: "Mom can I have some milk please."
Me: "Yep hang on one second I need to put some peanut butter on this bread."
A.: Why are you doing that?"
Me: "Its for your lunches."
A.: "Mom, I do not want peanut butter on my butt for my lunch and Mom, we don't say butt at this house."
Me: "Bread, A., I said bread."
A.: "Oh that's what I thought you said. I just wanted to say butt."

In the car on the way to school at 6:50
J: "Mom do you remember when you almost stepped on that dead squirrel on the street?"
Me: "Yes, but that was like 3 months ago."
J.: "That squirrel got hit by a car, right?"
Me: "Yes."
J: "Mom, do squirrels go to heaven?"
Me: "I think that's possible."
J." Do you think the squirrels that ate our pumpkins go to heaven?"
Me: "Its possible."
J: "I think they get hit by cars."

Well o.k. then.

A. was on a talking jag this morning. Listening to her talk when she gets on a roll is a lot like hearing a record on a faster RPM - its so fast that its funny. She was singing along with the radio for a while and then quickly switched to her own song. Loudly.

When we got out of the car at school and put backbacks on, she turns to J. and says, "J. I have a song for you." She doesn't wait for J. to respond. Just launches into this diddy, sung to the tune of the Wonderpets theme song:

"J., J. you are so cute, you put your undies on and do not toot."

A. continues to sing this to J. - with both C. and J. giggling until they get to the classroom doors. At that point J. turns to me and says "Mom, I should sing this for my friends all day."

Not to burst her bubble, but I do think there is something to be said for appropriate humor, but also let's not shoot all future friendship aspirations in the foot in the first 6 weeks of school. I talked her down.

Re-cap and Re-focus

2011-11-01T20:06:00.000-05:00

I think that if I didn't like Halloween before that I have kind of become a convert - not because of the treats, but because of the crafting and the creativity.

J. needed to be a hero or a heroine for school on Halloween.

Thankfully we had a princess costume all set to go.

Never mind that we did not research on what Princess Pea looked like from Tale of Desperaux.

She looked fantastic!

The girls at 6:30am. Gee, why are all my pictures dark?

We did talk to A. about not flying at school and by the end of the day I had to beg her to take her wings off sinceIi had been poked in the eye enough to fool me into thinking I scratched my cornea.

A. also asked to wear her Tinkerbell costume today to school and threw a fit when I told her she couldn't. She offered her own compromise - she can wear it tomorrow.

J. wanted to be Vidia. So she got to wear two costumes. I had a few construction issues around the waist of the overcoat deal - but I chalk that up to sewing at 11:30 at night with a glass of wine.

This is an hour before they go Trick o' treating. They needed to burn off some stream so they ran circles on the driveway - for 15 minutes. They were practicing flying.

I haven't blogged much since school started so I think I am going to give NaBloPoMo a try (National Blog Posting Month.)

My hope is to refocus my brain on my kiddos - both in school and at home - how I can specifically meet them where they are at. Any one in?

Monday Meditation: Gentle

2011-10-31T21:07:00.000-05:00

Most Mondays for the past 4 years there is a small group of young mommas and their kiddos that meet at our church. For most of the Mondays in the summer and all of the Mondays on my three maternity leaves I joined this group seeking fellowship and reflection about parenting. Deb, the leader of the group, a former teacher, beautiful sewer/crafter/knitter/creator, mom to an amazing college aged daughter, was so careful in her words to this eclectic group. She encouraged, asked questions, helped reflect and problem solved with us. After a long, courageous battle against cancer she died last week. Her service of remembrance and celebration of life was today.

Deb was this woman who I didn't connect with right off the bat. She is careful with her words, whereas I just step all over them. She takes her time with the details, where I only see the big picture. She was reflective, where I plow ahead. Today, many people talked about her gentleness - how she encouraged it, lived it, breathed it, passed it on to children she connected with.

At the end of the service, a friend reflected that Deb was never too busy, too anxious about what other people thought, to make time. We both saw how many strong women friends Deb had around her - a full church sanctuary worth and many more. She had cultivated those friendships through her gentleness and by making time for them. Something I seem to be unable to do as of late.

As I scrambled to get the kids from school today, fed with a quality dinner (butternut squash lasagna anyone?) and off for trick or treating - reminding them constantly about manners and safety - I wished for her attitude of grace and gentleness. A refusal to be rushed. Its probably not in my genotype and multi-tasking is something I do well. But being gentle, being thoughtful, being un-rushed seems like a little more might go along way.

I have a lot more to learn from you dear Deb. Thanks for taking time to teach me.

Fav Foto Viernes: Halloween

2011-10-27T23:59:00.003-05:00

This week's theme is Halloween.

Four things or caveats to this post:
1.) J. has to be a "hero or heroine from a book" on Monday for her "Dia de Los Muertos party." She is going as the Princess from Tale of Desperaux by Kate DiCamillo. She's pleased she can wear a crown and her green princess dress from last year. She's really excited to show her teacher that her book is a chapter book. I'm pleased we figured out a costume that I don't have to make.

2.) J. also wants to be Vidia from Tinkerbell - she's not in a book and oh yea, she's not really a heroine but a villian - kind of. I am making this costume - its made of 3 fabrics that no one in their right mind, with or without a serger would attempt. She won't wear it to school, but she will wear it in the neighborhood, in the dark with probably a puffy coat over it. Se la vie.

3.) C. wants to be a ghost. Identical to the same ghost she was last year. Thank goodness.

4.) A. wants to be Tinkerbell. We have that. From her birthday. She also wants to be Tinkerbell everyday. Everyday. All the time. She wants to wear Tink undies, Tink socks and her wings to school. Right.

So no Halloween pictures.

Instead I have...

My fav pic of the girls taken yet. By Cadence.

What are your kiddos going as? You? Biggest feat of sewing/crafting/creativity?

Link up, leave some love, let me know what you are thinking.

Existential Sunday

2011-10-23T21:04:00.000-05:00

We had an extra long weekend this week - fall break, extra PTO from DH, nice weather. Perfect.

Sunday saddies being what they are, the joy of reflection is a little lost on me.

C. has been having good days. No new help and no new progress on our part - just good steps and being farther away from being 3.

J. is slowing chunking letters together. Its slow going and she wants NO help from DH and I on any of it, but she wants to read in either Spanish or English or both, like yesterday.

A. is about to be in the full grips of 3. Grumpy obstinate alternating with beside herself angst of growing up. Sometimes its this that I can commiserate with the most.

I got a lovely email from a student about life choices and pathways. Its laid out perfectly and challenges me to live what I set out to live, but with the mindfulness of what I have already laid out.

Tomorrow is Monday.

Fav Foto Viernes: Fresquito

2011-10-21T00:01:00.004-05:00

Apt theme for this week. Chilly!

We have a Cirque de Soliel show right by our house - big top, pony advertisements, pony corrales, etc. all over town )literally, we pass it 5 times a day). The girls have beem playing pony show.

In case you can't tell, A. is often a pony, while C. is the ring leader.

A trip to the zoo on fall break today.

We had to wear hats and mittens and fleece jackets.

A. insists on smiling like this.

It warmed up later.

Fewer corraling.

Matching jackets (from Tia Laurie and Prima Bella in Little Rock)

Grandpa Pop took us out to dinner - a little anniversary present, a little walk, a lovely fall break night, lots of smiles and they have free refillable wine - good thing we walk back.

Link up, leave some love, have a great weekend.

Any perfect pumpkin carving patterns, ideas or stories?

Fav Foto Viernes: Ontono

2011-10-14T00:01:00.002-05:00

This week's theme is "Fall." Until Wednesday we had been sitting at 70 degrees or higher. My morning runs at 5am have been at 65 degrees.

Yesterday morning and today changed that. 55 at 5am. It will shortly require fleece lined running tights. (thanks Athleta for my new obsession.)

This week? After 6 days of at least one kid with a fever, I have no pictures. Just a cuddly interview with A.

What's your sick day plan? Great ideas on how to spend them or not stress out about them?

What about cold weather activities?

Link up, leave some love and enjoy your weekend!

Monday Meditation: To Read is to...

2011-10-10T20:59:00.000-05:00

Recap of the last 5 days has included: all three kiddos home with various forms of fevers/sore throats/excursions to Minute Clinic/notices home about strep/further strep tests/variety of results and grumpiness. Its also included several bike rides, a weekend play date, a trip to our park, a trip to a new park, a trip to the pumpkin patch, and me forgetting to load the camera with the battery for any of this.

J. and I have been reading chapter books for about a year now. Only recently, like in the past 2-3 months has she shown a strong imagination. She does not offer to play pretend or imagine what ifs very often. Her sisters do and would, but she often prefers anything but.

In the past year she and I have read:
Little House in the Big Woods, by Laura Ingalls Wilder

The Night Fairy, by Laura Amy Schlitz

The Dream Stealer, by Sid Fleishman

The Boxcar Children, by Gertrude Chandler Warner

The Daisy Meadows Dance Fairy Books (not recommended for reading aloud)

and most recently,

The Tale of Despereaux, by Kate DiCamillo

When we started the Tale of Despereaux I had no idea that it was recently made into a movie (nor that Dustin Hoffman played the voice of a main character.)

J. loved it. The book had adventure, a really sweet friendship, a little scary/keep her engaged piece, lots of new words and a little humor. She loved it. She asked to keep reading after we were done every night.

On Saturday we got the movie (see sickness and all around general malaise noted above) and had our first ever movie night. We are not big TV watchers in general. The girls watch a few things on the laptop (more in the summer when I am trying to get ready by myself) and a movie excerpt in the afternoon while I'm making dinner. They don't really engage with TV a bunch and have just recently started to tell us about bits and pieces in the movies they find funny (please Disney, can you make a kids movie that doesn't say "butt"?)

J. loved the movie. She was transfixed. She kept telling me what was the same and different from the book and the movie. She was telling her sisters what came next in the scarier parts (very tame, even for us) and she was excited to see all of her characters come to life... like she imagined.

I loved seeing her excited and totally thrilled with the whole process. It was a fascinating look into her brain. She is a very concrete/sequential kiddo. She processes slowly and deliberately. She wants to do well and be liked. She wants to engage deeply, but on her terms.

We met all her term limits and we all had a really good time - sickies and all.

Fav Foto Viernes: Octubre

2011-10-07T00:01:00.002-05:00

This week's theme? October.

How can we be this far into it?

All three girls have been ouchy and under the weather this week. It strikes me as hilarious that A. looks like a beefcake in this picture - farthest from the truth, C. is trying to pose while being corraled into the pic and J. is giving her famous side look - "do you see what I put up with?"

What are your October plans?

Halloween costumes for you?

For the kids?

Make 'em or buy 'em?

Link up, leave some love and enjoy your weekend!

Personalization

2011-10-06T21:06:00.000-05:00

When I learn a new class of students, every fall, I am always taken by a couple of things. I'm sure if you recorded the conversation that I have every fall it would sound like "were they always this young?, shouldn't they already know this?, oh my goodness... augh!"

And every year, two weeks into it I have settled in. It takes me about 4 days to learn every kids' first and last names. It takes me about a week to know what their musical strengths are. It takes us a month to prepare for the first concert. It takes me 15 minutes to get 60 kids fitted for their first concert uniform - yes, I'm that good.

I have a few kiddos in my classroom, reliably every year, that are harder to get my head around. They may seem needier, or more anxious than their peers. Sometimes they appear to have more leadership abilities and want more trust placed in them then they end up deserving. Sometimes it takes more than a few days and weeks to get to know a kid.

A music classroom, specifically a high school performance classroom gets to know students in a variety of different ways over a longer period of time. Those first impressions - of me and of my students can last a long time, if you let them. I often get to know a student at the end of their 8th grade year and have them in my classroom or lesson grouping for the next 4 1/2 years until they graduate. I end up knowing pieces about their family, how they do in other classes, what other teachers think of them, what struggles they work on, who they date and what they want to be and grow up to be when they leave high school.

This year, just like any other I have already tried to guess what makes some of those kiddos tick (and those that might explode or disintegrate.)

The student in the front of the class who can't sit still and chews on a pencil until it breaks mid-chew and needs redirection 15+ times a class period? I needed to see the student as a 7 year old with sensory issues. Kindness and a well timed compliment got me very far today.

The student who has come in sullen and angry? A chat with mom revealed tons of personal and family upheaval that led to staying up late at night trying to escape some anxiety and feelings of loneliness.

The student who sought out positions of leadership within the first 10 minutes of walking in and then fumbled "the play?" Had a rough year last year and wanted to make a fresh start, just didn't have a lot of practice.

The depth and breadth of each student is becoming more intriguing to me as I continue to teach. As I read more about including literacy targets and trying to engage every type of learner in my classroom, I see, so intently, why we have to personalize bits and pieces of our curriculum for each child. When we make it personal, we reach the kid emotionally and academically. When we seek out what makes them tick, we find out how to motivate them to do better.

I'm excited about StoryCorps: The National Teachers Initiative because I think it allows for the personalization successes that teachers do all the time.

The Language That Might Not Be Spoken

2011-10-05T20:16:00.000-05:00

J. started Spanish Immersion full day kindergarten in September. A month into DH and I are getting the hang of drop offs and pick-ups, packing lunches and figuring out small differences in her day between full day preschool and full day kindergarten. J. was in a Spanish Immersion preschool (where A. and C. are now.) In fact the preschool will be moving, someday, into the elementary school building.

I am used to picking up the girls at 3:30 or 4:00 or later and speaking Spanish. Sometimes its not good Spanish. Sometimes its not more than 10 words. Sometimes I make huge errors and sometimes I do well and learn more words to add to my vocabulary.

I speak Spanish well enough to read 75% of a newspaper in Spanish and well enough to get what I need in a restaurant, converse small talk with a cab driver and pray in Spanish if need be. But this actually isn't about speaking Spanish.

I have been reading Lisa Delpit's The Skin That We Speak . She and a collection of several authors talk about code switching, language barriers and the culture of academia that keeps many kids from attaching meaning to the classroom. The pivotal story from the collection is by Delpit "No Kinda Sense" and it details the politics, social background, and cultural implications of language and specifically the Ebonics debate. In the essay she looks a big chunks how education is personalized or shunned by a community or an individual through the lens of her black daughter switching from a mostly white school to a mostly black school. She looks at how her daughter attaches meaning to language, self esteem to language and her own personal culture (not that of her parents or grandparents) through language.

I have picked up J. most days and tried to catch a smile or a word with the teacher - ya know, trying to be friendly so that my daughter is on the good list (maybe so that I don't end up on that mom list.) They have sent home homework with her and newsletters. She has books and assignments - albeit very small ones.

I speak Spanish. I have lived several times for several months collectively in Spanish speaking countries. But truthfully, at the end of the day I am overwhelmed by looking at some of the books and VERY simple homework assignments.

I am getting to know my 60+ new students (of a total 250 that I see daily.) I know that by the time they have reached 9th grade, they have disengaged in many ways and I can see and understand in many ways.

I have access to Spanish. I can look it up and this is a choice I made for my child and we will see it through to be successful. But if I feel overwhelmed by an academic choice that is kindergarten, I can easily see how many parents who are uncomfortable with the language of English, the language of school, the expectation of using the Internet, etc..., might disengage. Entirely. Not intentionally. Not because they don't care about their child. Not because they don't want their child to succeed, but because the cycle of poverty and/or inequities has persisted. I get it.

FFF: Septiember Lo Que Usted Elige

2011-09-30T00:01:00.003-05:00

Again, my apologies for the lots and forgotten FFF last week!

New themes for Octubre will be up momentarily.

What I choose this week?

Picture day for the littles.

Pretty sure I won't be able to do this for that much longer (used to be able to do it with all three.)

Fleece jackets in September. Boo.

All looking at the auto-timer on the camera AND smiling...

Yea!

What are you looking forward to in October?

What was your favorite Halloween costume? Evah?!

Link up, leave some love, enjoy your weekend.

Immersion Cancion

2011-09-29T20:37:00.000-05:00

All three girls are now in Spanish Immersion schools (preschool and kindegarten.) A. being the newest entry.

In 11 days this is the new song A. has learned (and much more.)

Monday Meditation: Drowning in Milestones

2011-09-26T20:57:00.000-05:00

Oh my! I completely missed FFF. My apologies.

J.'s 5th Family Day was on Sunday (celebrated Saturday because...) and A.'s 3rd birthday party was Sunday and actual day was Monday. Whew. Yes, we seem to be celebrating well, but in a busy, pannicked kind of way.

J. always has these really intense thoughts and feelings about her Family Day (and she has every right to them.) They don't surprise me any more, but sometimes the content and intensity of her thought does. This year was no different. I don't suggest that she doesn't think about it at other times during the year, but I do think her Family Day is a specific occassion where she spends concentrated time thinking about her Guatemala mom.

We called Guatemala on Saturday night. Ca. was, as always, very happy to talk to us and a little hard to understand - talks fast and sometimes not about the same things that we think we are talking about. J. talked with her for a minute, but then just wanted to be done. She was glad she had talked to her and you can see the peace in her face afterwards, but its hard.

I got to have lots of these little cuddles the whole weekend.

And then... A.'s 3rd birthday was on Sunday.

This is my gang.

My gang of disco fairies.

DH took the picture so I'm not sure if he asked them to pose like Jade the Disco Fairy.

Heaven help us all if he didn't.

And then C. goes and strikes a pose like this - half super model, half Kung Fu Panda.

All kick-ass.

And J. Seriously. When did this child become such a teeny bopper - at 5.

A. was enamoured with Miss M. who did the Tinkerbell role down to a T.

She had 11 little girls rapt around her finger.

And I figured out her Tink cake. I know, I'm sure that cakewrecks would be appalled at the plastic figurine.

But... the cuvy flower which she emerges from? Not so bad.

Happy Family Day J.

Happy 3rd Birthday A.

I need some time to process.

It was beautiful and intense. All wound into 48 hours.

Joyful, but overwhelming.

The Intersection

2011-09-21T08:10:00.000-05:00

This was sent to me this morning be a dear colleague. It affirms for me, even when its scary, that teaching and parenting are so closely related to each other. In many ways my responsibilities as a teacher are just the same as my responsibilities as a parent.

From Elfriede's Cat: Notes of a High School Literature Teacher By George Roberts

MANIFESTO

What are they for, these children, our students?

Don't they have names? and doesn't each name carry a story?

Who is responsible for what they do not know?

Are they as afraid as we are?

Is seeing them so quickly outgrow their small, helpless shape any reason to stop enfolding them in our arms and singing to them?

What is the point past which they cannot be stretched?

Why do we hold them responsible for their parents' ommisions?

Is it possible to protect them from falling - out of a tree or in love with the wrong person?

Is television really, as they believe, their best friend? even their second best friend?

Aren't they starved for attention, for a tender and scrupulous conversation? Would they ever admit it?

Is there anything any one of them cannot learn?

When they work so hard to appear unpleasant, what are they telling us?

Aren't they just like us?

Aren't their clothes, their music, their language tests to see if we love them?

Monday Meditation:Now versus Not Now

2011-09-19T21:11:00.000-05:00

A. cried at drop off this morning. She also slept in my bed for an hour and I slept in her bed for an hour, which resulted in me sleeping less than 8 or 6 or 4 hours.

I didn't care - just wanted some cuddle time with her.

C. wants to play with her sisters. be near them. Play pretend. Make up games. Be silly.

She is sad when it comes to an end. She knows that school every morning is that end.

I am mournful of anything fall. I used to love the fall.

I got married in the fall.

I LOVE sun. I'll be the first one to eschew sunscreen and dance in the hot heat of noon.

I am dreading winter.

My sillies. They get away from me in the afternoon. I can't find them.

My job this fall is fantastically engaging.

The girls are liking - as much as they can - preschool and kindergarten.

I never mind change. I am supposed to like the next.

I am almost happy with just 3.

And still...

He's just that good!

2011-09-18T20:39:00.000-05:00

And I'm just that lucky.

Happy Birthday DH!

Fav Foto Viernes: Rapido

2011-09-16T00:01:00.003-05:00

This week, heck, this month is crusing by at light speed. We sent J. off to kindergarten last week. Over the weekend C. learned to ride a bike without training wheels (no falls, perfect balance.) Which was only topped by J. learning to ride her bike without training wheels within the same hour. C. started her second year of preschool - now full day, full week on Monday. And A. started her first year of preschool - full day, full week on Monday as well. Fast much?

In the last few minutes before we head to the car in the morning - this is how they choose to spend it.

What's moving "Fast" at your house?

Link up, invite a friend to link up, leave some love, enjoy your weekend.

Monday Meditation: The Skin I'm In

2011-09-12T20:14:00.000-05:00

J., C., and A. are all now in full swing of all day schooling. Which means were are a 3 child Spanish Immersion household. J. is in full day, Spanish Immersion kindergarten, where a lot of her preschool friends are attending. C. is in her second year, but now 5 days a week of Spanish Immersion (private) preschool. A. is in her first year of 5 day a week Spanish Immersion preschool - same school as C., just different class.

As a teacher, I expected to be comfortable in their school buildings. To be welcomed by their teachers. To be helpful. To be aware. I feel, not just a little, like a fish out of water. A little unwelcome and and a little anxious. I have never been the over protective mother - at least on many fronts - but their are some pieces that you have this strong desire to see your children be taken better care of. Especially when they are so little.

As a teacher this year I am straddling a few roles. One is new, one is old and one is repurposed. As a high school music teacher my job is overtly extra-curricular by design. When my classes and scheduling don't match up with my extra curricular needs and what I see as program requirements I feel such a strong anxiety about serving my program well (and it is mine in the sense that it depends on me) and being home at resonable and appropriate hours for my kiddos.

I'm running in the morning. This week (its Tuesday...) I have already almost collided with a muskrat, two raccoons, a large doe, a gigantic sheepdog and the general run of the mill guys who manage the golf course by our hosue - who always manage to surprise, but not freighten me. I have a race in 6 weeks. Its a big one. Like one that should redeem me from the last race.

Where do you feel the pull? The anxiety? How do YOU fix it?

Fav Foto Viernes: Uno, Dos, Tres

2011-09-08T22:31:00.001-05:00

This week's theme is 1, 2, 3.

A series fo pics?

A series of faces?

Thoughts?

Kiddos?

1,2 ,3 first mass bike ride (not too much success.)

1,2 ,3 Last day of summer and picnic at the Bluegrass Festival

1, 2, 3rd child ready for preschool...

closely followed up with a determined poutiness to stay home.

1st day of Kindergarten. So excited.

What are your 1, 2, 3s?

Happy Friday! Link up, leave some love and join up next week.

Full Circle

2011-09-06T21:19:00.000-05:00

6 years ago tomorrow, we got a "pink" phonecall. I never remeber these dates, except for "family days." The process isn't really important to me (just like I don't really remeber being 6 months pregnant, only that it was uncomfortable and I cried.)

Tomorrow, J. starts kindergarten.

I'm not sad, just wistful. And happy I spent the time this summer well.

I love that she is fascinated by letters and is starting to love numbers.

I love that she loves reading chapter books (Kate DeCamillo right now) and snuggling in tight at the last minute.

I love that she is less afraid to try new things, has blisters, big ones, on her hands from doing the monkey bars, and keeps at it.

Her persistence people, is astounding.

I love that she is sweet, to the point of being sappy and silly.

I love that she wants the best for everyone around her - even at 5 years old.

That smile - always coursing. Always almost at the ready. not too quick to judge or give up. But quick to be gentle and kind.

Love to you, dear heart.

Monday Meditation: What Power Looks Like in Education

2011-09-05T20:34:00.000-05:00

I started back to school last week with a series of meetings. Tomorrow I meet most of my students and by Wednesday I will have seen over 200 kids in my classroom. Tonight, Monday night, Labor Day night is sometimes filled with really strong anxiety for me. Sometimes its anxiety about my job, sometimes its about leaving my full time summer job as a mom, sometimes its about both. After 11 years of teaching, I am not feeling that was tonight (that could also be the DQ peanut butter and Butterfingers blizzard talking - and no, for those of you wondering they did not, after 22 emails, bring back the Cotton Candy blizzard this summer - oh woe!)

The Bronson and Merryman book Nurture Shock, that I talked about last week, also devotes a very elementary chapter to race. They talk about some critical studies in the race canon about parents talking and not talking about race to their preschoolers and the impact that it has on their preschoolers attitudes and presumptions about people of different races. The studies and then Bronson and Merryman make the direct conclusion that it is not enough to make a few statements to your children that "everyone is the same" and "everyone is equal" and "skin colors don't matter." What Bronson and Merryman don't say is what we should do instead.

Jose Vilson, a teacher, well-published author and data analyst for a school system in New York, NY takes the next step. He lays it out. He points even the most anxious of new teachers, with the least amount of experience towards trusted resources. He astutely writes that talking about race, creating relationships and giving students opportunities (not forcing change) is what the profession is about. His article encourages teachers to use the academic language of race and remove and ask our students to remove the words that are not appropriate in the classroom. He then points out that building the relationship with each student is more valuable than your perfect curriculum. And he concludes that teachers are giving students another path - its an option - maybe even an dictum, but not an edict.

Last week I started back at school and saw all the articles in the new sources about teachers not having "enough." After 11 years I can safely say there is never enough. There is not enough technology so that my curriculum can be perfectly delivered on xyz gizmo. There is not enough data so that I can fix my curriculum to meet xyz student. There is not enough collaboration time so that I can be aligned to xyz teacher. There is not enough. After hearing that for 4 days I was frustrated. I was frustrated for me, frustrated for J. who starts kindergarten tomorrow and frustrated for the optimist that I so sincerely try to be (but have the genetic make-up to be the opposite.)

If I don't have enough and I am the teacher, then who does? I am the white woman in the classroom serving, educating and creating relationships with more and more diverse classrooms of students. I am the person who has the access to the data, the Master's Degree to get the information, the stipend to create the extra-curricular event. If I don't have the power to find "enough" then who does?

Education is this slippery slope. You start wanting to create this perfect curriculum, this ideal passion for your area of interest. You find shortly, that in your classroom you have students that have far less passion for what you do. Your need to fulfill your area of academe never ceases, but it certainly should shift when you see the humanity that is a 15 year old student who can't read at grade level, needs to get a part time job because her parents have been out of work for 3 years and cries on your shoulder because she knows you are looking out for her best interests.

I have the power to get "enough." It won't always feel like "enough." It will be really hard to justify another budget cut that impacts my classroom. It will be difficult to justify having "enough" when there is more bad news about teachers in the media. But, for the sake of humanity, for the sake of all the 15 year old students that are seeking their own passions, I will talk about race, create relationships and make optimistic pathways for the students that I encounter.

Fav Foto Viernes: Escuela

2011-09-02T00:01:00.000-05:00

Time flies when Mom heads back to school - also know as,

I can't tell the difference between my elbow and my... never mind.

I think they have 8, maybe 10 pounds difference between them.

We had "Habla con la Maestra" night on Thursday. J. was pretty excited and seemed to be just fine with all of the new surroundings and friends, but she certainly didn't crack a smile or waste her precious words on anyone. Her teacher did whisper to me "Ella es muy seria, si?" Yes, she's a pretty serious kiddo.

This one? Sitting in the sun in her princess outfit and making bead necklaces, claims that she is not ready for preschool. She had her last day of daycare on Wednesday and everyone involved was in tears at the end of the day. I promise kiddo, even when you are taller than me, you will still be my baby.

School? For you? For your kiddos? Who is ready? Who would prefer a few more weeks of summer?

Sturm and Drang

2011-09-01T20:47:00.000-05:00

In music there is this term, Sturm and Drang, associated with a literary and musical art form (proto Romanticism in case you keep track of these things) which talks about the "storm and stress" or "storm and urge" specific to a kind of wind up and angst. I know that Bach, Mozart and Haydn were noted for it, but I can remember my Music Lit professor using a Beethoven symphony as his example - the wind up, the angst of the orchestra, the search for a pinnacle or release in the music, but never finding it and truly being caught up in the anxiety and stress for long periods. The wind up is beautiful. The search seems endless - like a horizon and the peak seems just out of reach - but its beautiful all the same.

I feel like this week was that. The storm and stress was in full motion this week. I headed off to work on Monday, knowing (and actually having scheduled, planned and looked forward to...) that my first day back at work would be a 14 hour day. I would be in meetings, I would be excited for planning and for meeting my students, for doing a new piece of my job and then I would get to see new incoming students for an orientation.

I am reading this book, by request of a colleague, called Nurture Shock by Bronson and Merryman - two columnists for the New York Times on parenting and research. Its a good one for parents and teachers alike because it immediately puts current research into practice in the way that children should be interacted with at home and in schools. (I would say that some of the research isn't as well supported or is a little too "pop culture" for my liking, but that's the nerd in me.)

Bronson and Merryman make some really incredible claims about building vocabulary in infants, creating more positive relationships among siblings and the impacts of TV, even educational TV on young kiddos. Its really fascinating and its directly applicable to quite a few areas in teaching. They have a really elementary, but so accessible chapter on race (that's another post.) The chapter that talks about stress between adults and teenagers seemed particularly apt at this moment.

Bronson and Merryman point out that out of a 2600 students that were interviewed on 36 potential topics, the average teenager lied to his/her parent on 12 of those topics. The average. What's more interesting is that most of the lies that the kids are telling are not outright, but simply withhold information that will upset their parents. Mostly they do it to carve out an identity - to become adults. The study goes on to point out that teenagers seek out autonomy most heavily when they are 14 and 15, not 17 and 18 as we tend to thing. AND that the teenagers who lie the least are the children of parents who are the most consistent, who have cultivated an honest relationship with their child and "who are the most consistent in enforcing the rules... who are the most warm and have the most conversations with their kids."

It would be interesting to me to see success statistics - both academically and otherwise on those students.

The build up of stress and anxiety for students about the start of school is palpable in the school building. Students coming in often - just to chat - this week. Students calling or coming in to check on their schedules, their teachers, their lockers, their... next 9 months.

I am always excited for the first day of school. It holds so much promise and so much possibility to take new steps and create new relationships with students. To see something in a student I have never seen - I really do look for that. To teach something that I have never taught - I learn more that way. The stress and anxiety of leaving my full time summer job as a mom also holds huge weight (DH can attest to this - esp. this week.) To want to do better, do more, create more, teach more, means leaving my girls more. The stress of doing both jobs well starts during this week and knowing that the balance is getting trickier to find.

Being honest about what I can and can't do this year will be a challenge. Finding the balance will be harder. Wanting to do more will always be a pressure - at home and at school. Being honest and consistent with myself will allow me to tell the fewest "untruths" with myself and become more engaging and have deeper relationships.

Last Day

2011-08-28T18:13:00.000-05:00

A race.

Favorite lunch.

A nap.

A. napped on me.

Trip to park.

Dinner date with DH.

Thank you summer.

You will be missed.

BUT... I have the satisfaction in spending it well.

Fav Foto Viernes: Lo Que Usted Elije

2011-08-26T00:01:00.008-05:00

Today is the 55th (weekday) of summer.

The last week day of summer.

Monday I head to work and a week later the girls get going on their school schedules too.

August was a pretty big month at our house - lots of adventures gone on, skills learned and family time spent.

C. being willing to get a hug. To sit for a hug. To cuddle. A most favorite milestone that turning 4 may have allowed her to do more of.

Trip to the North Shore with my family. The girls did lots of rock climbing. DH and I enjoyed being together with the girls a bunch. Seeing them take risks is a highlight for both of us in parenting.

DH, A. and J. climbing the "tallest mountain."

My mom and I spending time together.

Dirty and sweaty and a little bit out of sorts, but still enjoying

most of the pieces to being a mom to three littles.

What were your favorite fotos and memories?

(I'll post September themes ASAP. We'll see if I can keep doing this through the school year. If any one wants to suggest a theme or too, I'm happy to oblige. Always looking for more blogs to join in too!)

Day 54!

2011-08-25T15:18:00.000-05:00

A trip to the public zoo with Mema.

And a ride on the refurbished and georgeous carousel.

Even the music was beautiful (and a long ride!)

A good penultimate day to summer.

Day 53!

2011-08-24T13:40:00.010-05:00

Last day at the pool for the summer.

Jade apparently likes the pool - nevermind...

J. and C. can now swim without floaties. J. can go down the big waterslide on the tube by herself.

Both girls can swim to the bottom of the pool and do a handstand.

A. can swim with floaties and jump off the side by herself.

Its been a lovely summer of learning new pool tricks.

Day 52!

2011-08-23T21:00:00.000-05:00

At the Splash Pad with friends.

Blue lips - also coming in for a towel and a hug at warp speed.

They have the whole park to themselves and want to play in the same 6 inches.

Jade...

Monday Meditation: Dream Big

2011-08-22T20:41:00.000-05:00

I keep putting this post off. Part of it is that I am in the rush of getting ready to go back to school, part of it is that I think it feels selfish and part of it is the worry and concern of writing down a dream, a wish, a thought and not being able to finish it or achieve it.

Last spring I wrote this very small goal for my running. I have been running since sometime in high school - little races, nothing huge and nothing crazy fast. But this spring, after much training I thought I would post about my race goal. I posted. And then I didn't finish. I feel like I jinxed myself (do people still say that?)

Jenika, a dear friend who is raising her family several time zones and continents away, reminded me with a wonderfully sweet article that dreaming is not selfish, but enriching for you and your family. By dreaming big, you help your kiddos do the same. I want the girls to dream big, travel far, see and do great things. Only by example can we do some of that.

I am breaking the dreaming big piece into three posts (see here) I am trying to incorporate the SMART goals philosophy or making them Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely.

Piece 1: Family - my family, my girls, my role within my family

Practical (time frame):
Aspirational (time frame):
Inspirational (no time frame):

Practical:
- to plan a trip to Guatemala with at least J., after Ca. has her baby in November (2011-12.)
- to plan a family vacation next summer that looks quite a bit different from our vacation this year (2011-12.)
- to go with J. on one kindergarten field trip (this school year.)

Comment: Great - got the ones done that are easy. These are not really "nice to haves" they are necessary for our family to bloom and grow. The hard parts are the financial pieces that are attached to all of them or the time from work, etc.

Aspirational:
- Volunteer with the girls on a regular and relationship building basis.
- Create an anniversary tradition for DH and I that we both look forward to.
- Create a Christmas tradition that removes larger pieces of gift giving and embraces community giving in a much larger way.
- Create a plan, financially and career related so that we understand the possibilities of moving to Costa Rica.
- Speak more Spanish, more often, better.
- Teach my husband to play the piano.

Inspirational:
- Move to Costa Rica in 5 years.

Comment: This is hard. My tendency, teacher or not, is to try and write a lesson plan. The point is not be practical, but to "Dream Big."

How did you do? What challenges did you run into?

I'll link to anyone else who is interested in "Dreaming Big." The next "installment" will be on Wednesday.

Fav Foto Viernes: Hermosos Ojos

2011-08-19T00:01:00.001-05:00

This week's theme is "Beautiful Eyes."*

The saying that eyes are like windows into the soul...

A.'s eyes are bright, joyful, wide and always cheerful.

Photo Credit is 110% to Laurie L. - she's amazing!

J.'s eyes wrinkle up when she is happy to tiny little creases,

they sparkle and dance when she laughs and

she so has that "side" look that she is practicing for when she is 13.

C. - has the most beautiful eyes with fantastic eye lashes. She is absoltuely impossible to get a picture of at the moment. We find it incredible that she wanted to look through the binoculars for the entire North Shore vacation. We asked her what she saw and she would say "the lake.... and little sticks." The little sticks? Her eye lashes.

*Sorry for missing last week's FFF - I totally spaced before we headed out the door.

** I was going to try and post about Dream Big, but today got away from me (I had meetings all day at school and am surprised at the strong mix of emotions at leaving the girls - I expected some, but...) I will post on Saturday or Sunday. If you are going to join in - I'll post a blogger list with your post, so we can read where concentrated imaginations could take others.

Day 48!

2011-08-17T13:14:00.000-05:00

We are getting dangerously close to the end of summer.

I try not to think about it. And if I do a little work at school each week,

then its not so bad when I need to be back.

The girls came with me today and played in the cleared out band room.

I'm sure this is what the warning label on the uniform cart says NOT to do.

Also I think I should call Wenger (the maker of the cabinets) to let them know that 3, 4 and 5 year olds have found an alternate use for the cabinets. Playing Pet Store and kitties while mom works is fantastically fun.

New acrobatics

2011-08-17T13:02:00.000-05:00

Travelling this summer involved a lot of driving. A lot. 11+ hours each way to MoGuate, 4+ hours each way to the North Shore, a couple of trips to various family cabins. The girls have done really well and have come up with unique ways to umm....

....stretch.

2 side notes: ignore my glasses - I'm having crazy vision issues that relate to NOT wearing my contacts, video is courtesy of my sister.

Day 47!

2011-08-16T13:06:00.004-05:00

A trip to the zoo.

We timed it right so we got to see the dolphin training show.

And some statue riding.

And then major meltdowns.

And a mid afternoon recovery with a trip to the wading pool with Mema.

Playing on the deck in the tubes.

Dammit Jade. Seriously - every photo.

Monday Meditation: Intro to Dream Big

2011-08-15T13:45:00.000-05:00

I read several books this summer, none of them real winners and not worth posting titles/authors/etc., about "dreaming big." They all defined it as finding some personal happiness and living your personal best. Sounds kind of schlocky to me and it wasn't appealing, motivating or helpful in getting rid of the internal barriers to me just thinking about what the next state, moment, month, 5 years are going to look like for me.

My sister made an amazing point yesterday on our way home from the North Shore (she's amazing in general and I don't think I am particularly biased.) She made the comment that everyone intends good - intends to be happy. And I think she's right. We get caught up in writing our own story, or living too quickly, or mindlessly, or just going with the flow and our intentions of being happy get weighed down with our immediate realities. I don't think my immediate realities - being a mom to three lovely girls, balancing the work/home schedules and worrying about finances are going to stop anytime soon.

The constraints about dreaming big for me, and I think for many, are about having our imaginations or dreams, or aspirations, or inspirations reigned in by the practical and our daily life.

There is a buzz word or protocol in education about how to write good goals for students called SMART goals which means the goals are: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely. The "timely" component means that you give the goal you set a time frame in which it cam be accomplished. At the moment, I'm not there yet, but if you want to play along, you can give you goals time frames or not. I'm going to break my goals into three categories and three further sub categories.

Family - my family, my girls, my role within my family
Practical (time frame):
Aspirational (time frame):
Inspirational (no time frame):

Career - my daily life that extends beyond being a mother, my role within my career, my next steps
Practical (time frame):

Aspirational (time frame):
Inspirational (no time frame):

Personal - my thoughts, my pie in the sky, my personal bests
Practical (time frame):

Aspirational (time frame):
Inspirational (no time frame):

I'll post my Family Goals on Thursday (8/18.) If you want to link up then, it would be fun and encouraging to see other women thinking through these parts together. I'm always inspired by what I read.

Jade the Disco Fairy

2011-08-14T17:41:00.000-05:00

Ages ago my family went up to the North Shore of Lake Superior and watched a set of girls do all these weird, dance poses on the rocks of Gooseberry Falls. We laughed about it. Its a long standing family joke.

A few weeks ago we went to this great indie kids bookstore and J. found this dance fairy chapter book. Great. Not fantastic literature, but its a series and we plowed through the first one so we ordered the next 7 from the book store. Enter... Jade the Disco Fairy...

We went to the North Shore this weekend with my family. It was lovely. The weather was perfect, family time is so invaluable, and the girls had a great time.

And the girls posed... like Jade the Disco Fairy.

The girls had a great time. We had a great time. If Jade the Disco Fairy had been there she would have had a great time. Oh wait... she was.

FFF: An explanantion

2011-08-14T14:12:00.000-05:00

Not like you all were waited with baited breath for FFF and I missed it! We had a quick trip to the North Shore planned for a while, but Friday snuck up so fast after vacation. I'll post promptly on Friday with the "Verano" or summer theme.

Day 43!

2011-08-11T08:00:00.000-05:00

A trip to the park at the end of the day - with a dear friend.

Maybe one of the best pics of C. lately - she's near impossible to get a picture of.

I'm not sure what I am supposed to be doing here - both girls are going higher and higher - I only have 1 me.

Playing together - a rarity for these two.

Sure, you can climb that huge ladder with your sister's help.

Day 42!

2011-08-09T14:04:00.000-05:00

Rock climbing and rain boots.

And friends.

And a 2 mile nature hike.

Never mind the weather that it feels like f---.

Monday Meditation: Vacation

2011-08-08T13:45:00.000-05:00

We went to the MoGuate gathering of 50+ families all with children from Guatemala, on the Lake of the Ozarks. Its a long drive for us - there are very few other families who have a longer drive than we do. Last year we went to meet other families and have an adventure. And it was this perfect vacation.

This year it was about something different. We didn't go for the adventure - although we hoped to find it. We went to find some piece of idyllic time together and it was just that.

Highlights:

10 hours in the car with 3 kiddos is a long time, but they are really patient and they really like Tinkerbell movies.
DH and I think that Pella, IA is a really cute town, but closing all of your restaurants for good chuncks of the weekend don't really make us want to come back.
Helping C. each day with the countless transitions that a vacation day is was both a low point and a high point. We escaped most meltdowns.
Watching J. learn how to swim - and being encouraged to do so by 2 new friends - was so fulfilling for DH and I.
Simultaneaously catching up to 6 kids and making sure they did not drown at any given moment can challenge even my multi-tasking skills.
Pool side rum runners also challenge my multi tasking skills.
Watching A. try to keep up with her big sisters was so fun, but so exhasuting. She wanted to do everything that they did and for the most part she did.
Seeing J. make a new friend, working hard on the friendship ("Mom, I talked") and then sob when she was saying goodbye, was really sad, but also really amazing to see how far she came in a year.
DH and I can salvage a whole day, or just make it a true vacation with a good bottle of white and 15 minutes to ourselves on the balcony.

I do not make my child pose like this. We read some chapter books about dancing fairies and "Jade the Disco Fairy" keeps making a regular appearance.

Cute, but I feel like someone will mistake me for one of those dance moms.

What makes a vacation for you?

Fav Foto Viernes: Agosto! (August!)

2011-08-05T00:01:00.001-05:00

We are in the Ozarks. Enjoying crazy heat and good pool time.

J. is wearing a romper. What mom does that? I can't imagine putting myself in one.

She goes to kindegarten in a month.

That's 30 days to squeeze as much summer as I can out of her.

30 days to keep her a 5 year old.

30 days to let her (and me) nap more.

30 more days to stuff things in her fairy house, answer her fairy letters, make cookies in the kitchen, read stories at night to her and make her giggle. Lots.

Day 37!

2011-08-02T14:12:00.000-05:00

More rain, humidty and holy hotness.

Trip to the zoo.

Crawling in the caves.

Examining the tree frogs.

Playing in the wolf/coyote den.

(Being asked twice if they were triplets....WTF people?)

Monday Meditation: Connected Child Chapters 7 and 8

2011-08-01T20:02:00.000-05:00

I have been equally pleased and distraught at our progress this week. There were moments were C. has never listened or even wanted to listen as much as she has done this week and there have been moments were both of our frustration was at the highest peak. The part of her tantrums, that only happen at home when DH and/or I are here that is mind boggling is the need to scream/yell at either one of us while we are less than 4 inches from her face. She wants us to equally "go away" and "don't go away" and she is unable to calm down once she is in a place where she has started a tantrum. When either DH or I have needed a moment of reprieve, or asked to sit with her until she is calmer (helped her calm, etc.) - its not able to happen for quite some time.

Chapter 7: Dealing with Defiance
Purvis gives the parent three ways of dealing with defiance.

Match their Response: using the least amount of input possible.
If they get tougher so do you: Embody authority, state expectations and consequences, offer 2 acceptable alternatives.
Heavier artillery: don't take the misbehavior personally (huge), give another chance to self-correct, lead the child to a think it over place, coach the child to re-do it.

This is where we struggle. I can match the response - making a small deal out of a small "infraction," etc., but once the level of defiance is reached, where C. has decided that she is going to continue to amp up to a tantrum, I can't give her alternatives, take her to a cool down spot, coach her through her next steps. We haven't reached that place because she is so easily and quickly in a place of hot reactions that involve screaming, etc. Getting down on her level, speaking softly and asking her what is wrong is about the only thing I can do to skip the full blown tantrum and it only works 10% of the time. Its working. Rebuilding the relationship will work and I know that we will be able to get to a place where I can walk C. through the next steps, but not where she is verbally and behaviorally at the moment.

Purvis also talks about a child getting "stuck" - where they can not make a good choice behaviorally. I have found, like Purvis mentions, that this most often happens when C. is a little tired, a little hungry, has a little ear infection, etc. Or a lot... Or all three... Like on Monday. I can only get her "unstuck" if I offer to meet the need first (usually food.)

Chapter 8: Nurturing at Every Opportunity
Purvis talks about rebuilding and creating the relationship with your child when the moment is not one of crisis, but even in the most mundane. Building up self- esteem, matching body actions, using eye contact in games, being positive often. This reminder for me has been crucial. Commenting on C.'s positivity, even when its little and sometimes fleeting can get a little good behavior to go a longer way. I think.

I'm not going to review the last chapters (9-12) - not because they are not important, but because they are slightly more repetitive and I have gleaned lots of the parts a long the way from them (sensory issues, healing your own hurts as a parent, using proactive parenting strategies.)

C. goes in 2 weeks crummy, 2 days great cycles. We are in the momentary lull, even with a slight ear infection (her freaking second set of tubes is out after only 6 months) and I know that I will revisit this time and time again. I know we will most likely seek a secondary (actually it would be a 4th piece of input at this time...) when we reach another low spot. We will look to treat the causes - trauma, neglect and grief, rather than symptoms of those causes.

She will start preschool in 4 weeks and wow her teachers with her attention to detail and the way she is so fast to engage and pick up on new things. She will stop being newly 4 and start to grow into a larger vocabulary. We will start to see strides being made at rebuilding the relationship of trust and love that was damaged out of frustration. Hopefully.

Day 36!

2011-08-01T14:05:00.000-05:00

Making letters to the faires that are visiting our new fairy house.

Dropping them off (this is easily taken before 9am.)

Hot, humid, rainy, huge rainstorm.

Good puddle jumping.

What are your plans for the week?

Day 35!

2011-07-29T14:03:00.000-05:00

Best Man duties completed: bachelor party thrown, rehearsal dinner attended, Best Man toast written, night of celebrating and dancing enjoyed.

Fav Foto Viernes: Que usted elige Julio

2011-07-29T07:38:00.000-05:00

Making cupcakes w/ C. on her birthday.

I had some awful balloons in the cupboard that made crummy balloons, but made fantastic water balloons.

J. thought it was hilarious!

A. didn't understand the throwing part, but liked the splashing part.

I am the best man in my colleague's wedding tonight. This week has been full of getting ready for it, including hosting a bachelor party. Lots of fun, but the posting has been a little light.

Link up and let me know what you are up to for the 5th weekend in July!

Day 32!

2011-07-26T21:56:00.000-05:00

Here's the short story: We went on a bug hunt and bike ride (using a brand new birthday magnifying glass from X. and Kim.) We found a few bugs and got a good 2 miles in.

We finished the day with ice cream.

The End.

Here's the long version:

Today was a tough day. I am not sure if C. is in recovery mode from the birthday or if we just have day after day of anger and angst, but today didn't start out well and was saved with ice cream at 20 minutes to bed time.

C. wants to do what she wants to do - which is true for every 3 or 4 year old. The only difference is that any kind of disruption to her plan of attack - which does include being unkind to her sisters - causes significant anger on her part and a tantrum. We didn't leave the house today until 10 (breaking my "9am out of the house" absolute.) We then only left to play in the driveway because I was too anxious to coax her to do much more.

I'm frustrated with myself for not being more even keeled and patient. I'm frustrated with C. for being angry and hard to get along with. I'm sad for J and A who took the brunt of the boring day and the butt end of some of the grumpiness from C. I don't share those parts with very many friends (IRL or otherwise) because you don't want it to color how they see her/us/our family/etc. And C. mostly reveals that sadness and anger when we are home and when she is in close proximity to me.

It was that day as a parent where I was really sad. Sad that I couldn't do better and sad at watching my child hurt. I wanted to enjoy the day with the girls, I was feeling frustrated at having many days of our summer start and end like today and I was feeling defeated.

I will start over tomorrow. And we will plan more adventures. We will do more parks and pools, more play dates and walks in the woods. I have not had the moment to "dream big" or to plan next steps for my job or our family. In the next 20 days of summer, C. and I will work hard to strengthen our relationship. We can do it. Like this post says, its just coming at a bit bigger of a cost that I had thought.

Monday Meditation Connected Child Chapters 5 and 6

2011-07-26T21:39:00.000-05:00

In Karen Purvis' Connected Child chapters 1 through 4 were a breeze in comparison to 5 and 6. But, it might just be the week+ that I'm having as a parent.

Chapter 5: Teaching Life Values
Purvis details thirteen values and how to incorporate them into interactions with your child: Respect, Using Words, Gentleness and Kindness, Consequences, Making Eye Contact, Listening and Obeying, Authority, With Permission and Supervision, Accepting "no", Requesting Whole Sentences, Offering Choices, Focus and Complete Your Task. She them goes on to detail how parents put these in action in their own parenting values.

Chapter 5: Incorporating
I think this is the chapter where DH and I are on the same page and really are happy to have the reminders, but have been doing a few of these pieces for a while. Her pointers about how to incorporate them more seamlessly were really helpful.

Respect: We don't actually use this word often. We are more apt to say "kindness" or "being kind." More recently we have been asking C. if she "was being kind?" "Can you ask her/share/do it in a more kind way?" Probably not as grammatically correct, but...

Using Words: We do say "use your words" but we also give some choices about what those words might be "Do you feel sad, or angry?" "Can you tell me what made you scream like that?" C. is having significant problems using any language beyond screaming when she is upset and while she starts out being upset by not sharing or being asked to stop hitting, it quickly morphs into "I don't like my mommy, she is mean" when we don't give her choices about what words to use.

Gentleness and Kindness: Purvis talks about letting the child handle a puppy and be nice to it. We haven't done that, but we have incorporated some gentle play behavior with stuffies and baby dolls. C. really likes and talks about holding bunnies often - so this may be in our near future and NO that does not mean we are getting a rodent.

Making Eye Contact: We ask for eye contact often. If C. is already in a tantrum asking for more eye contact will not calm her down it will amp her up. We wait until she is calmer to ask her and praise her for eye contact. I have been conscientiously working to praise her for her eye contact. Today it felt like it was all I could talk about since there were so many moments of lashing out on her part.

Authority: C. doesn't take charge. She doesn't look to control situations by controlling other people. She looks to manipulate situations through not listening, running away and making things go her way through screaming and hitting. The removal of her power to manipulate a situation, while still allowing her to be sad/angry is not resolved.

With Permission: Giving your child jobs or things to do with you is a way of empowering and building the relationship. DH and I are good at doing this when we have one on one time with C. (and or J and A) BUT, its harder when all three are involved. It is getting significantly easier to do things with the girls instead of for them.

Accepting No: Purvis says to carefully, pick the right moment, to praise your child when they accept no. I haven't done this. I'm not there yet. She's not there yet.

Offering Choices and Requesting Whole Sentences: These are both pieces that we incorporate. We will ask C. if she wants to go to her room or we can carry her there - in a time in situation, but we have also given choices for moment by moment activities.

Focus and Complete Your Task: Purvis notes that early neglect can make a child feel anxious and unable to concentrate (looks like ADHD, etc.) That's C. She will start something both in play and in cleaning up, but forget where she is and wander off, usually wreaking havoc as she goes (getting upset, kicking/throwing toys, etc.) Trying to remove that anxiety by asking her to put away 2 toys, holding up 2 fingers, and waiting until she is done is improving her concentration.

Chapter 6: You are the Boss
Purvis writes about a new way of thinking about discipline. I remember reading Mamita J about a new kind of discipline and how it was better for her whole family, even her older kids. As a parent you respond quickly, clarify expectations, offer simple choices, present consequences and give the opportunity for a "re-do."

Chapter 6: Who?
I can respond quickly, I can offer simple choices, I can present consequences and I can do all of those with a level head and without over-reacting. I can do them while getting down on their level. I can do them while using a measured voice, nothing shrill or harsh. The re-do has yet to work for me. I am unable to help C. get past consequences. Once she has realized that she is not going to get away with hitting/screaming/taking its a battle that reaches another level that doesn't get a re-do. It just needs a calm down. Part of it is being able to process a re-do for a just 4 year old and part of it is probably me not giving that opportunity when it would be a very minor activity.

4!

2011-07-25T14:28:00.002-05:00

C. turned 4 on Saturday.

On Sunday the payasos came, her circus cake turned out, DH hung the pinata, and friends celebrated.

It was a lovely day to be 4!

Day 31!

2011-07-25T08:02:00.000-05:00

Lunch picnic at the Rose Garden.

Fountain splashing.

How is the start of your week? What are your adventures?

Fav Foto Viernes: Sonrisas

2011-07-22T00:01:00.002-05:00

This week's theme is smiles!

See A.'s face? With chalk on it? She wanted to color it like a "payaso" - I don't think she'll have any trouble fitting into Spanish Immersion Preschool in a few weeks.

Maybe the most perfect picture of summer?

Hams.

This is about as close as I can get to getting a pic of C. smiling, without being prompted.

She's in her own world, popping bubbles, singing, laughing.

Link up and let me know what your weekend looks like!

Next week is "You Choose"

Day 29!

2011-07-21T21:02:00.000-05:00

Pool time with big friends and little friends (and my goddaughter.)

After naps we did a map activity where we pointed out countries the started with the letter..

...countries that were shaped like...

...how many countries they could name (6)...

...where all of our relatives lived and grew up...

Everyone got to play. Lots of fun.

And chalk.

Happy Thursday!

Day 28!

2011-07-20T20:55:00.000-05:00

More heat. In fact we broke, supposedly the world record for heat indexes today at 111 degrees.

So we played birdies and made nests for a bit in our jammies (we never stay in jammies past 8am.)

The girls headed to daycare and DH and I had a date lunch and errands and then...

we headed to the pool.

for popsicles that melted before we even got in 3 licks

(which means I got to help eat my popsicle and 3 others - I am NOT complaining.)

How she even lay down for a bit to warm up from the 90 degree pool water is beyond me.

Happy summer!

Day 27!

2011-07-19T20:55:00.000-05:00

95, cloudy/rainy but NO breeze, and humid.

So what do we do?

Check our neighborhood ant pile - maybe bother it a bit, talk about catching them, burning them, giving them food. Then we give them food, watch them carry leaves, see if they bite (I put my finger down), swipe at them with a stick. This took all of 20 minutes.

Then we were off. On an adventure.

A biking adventure - also known as mom running in flip flops for 2 miles adventure.

J. wants to get rid of the training wheels shortly. She's almost ready.

She is also fantastically fast when she wants to be.

Happy Tuesday!