I have written New Years' Resolutions since I was less than 10. I have found many of them and they all same the same thing; be nice, don't say mean things, be honest, be skinny/thin, be amazing. No, they really dont' same "be amazing" but, they say all the other things in some way, shape or form.
But the message is the same, do something great, do it kindly and do it while looking nice.
If that's not wanting the total package deal since I was 8, then I'm not sure what is.
I have followed and read author and vulnerability-researcher, Brene Brown for about a year. I knew that I wanted my New Years' Resolutions to come from her new Daring Greatly book. She spent years researching the science of vulnerability, what it means, empirical data, for what happens when people are vulnerable, open and honest in all their relationships.
"When I think about my family in the context of these questions, I know that these are the exact issues that my husband Steve (coincidence??), and I work to overcome every single day. I use the word overcome because to grow a relationship or raise a family or create an organizational culture or run a school or nurture a faith community, all in a way that is fundamentally opposite to the cultural norms driven by scarcity, it takes awareness, commitment, and work... every single day."
She defines scarcity as waking up and not feeling like its enough.
Like I have had enough sleep. Like I have enough of the right clothes to get dressed. Like I have enough of the right skills to speak in that meeting. Like I have enough of the abilities to get it all done. To make enough money. To parent my children.
And I do often, honestly, feel like what I am doing is enough.
I get a damn, good quantity of stuff done in a day.
I am pretty damn efficient.
I can sew, and cook, and clean, and do hair (three wildly different types of hair), and do laundry, and not complain, and run long distances, and not complain, work a full time in a part-time capacity, enjoy the work that I do, love the husband I have, and, and, and. I can do it all.
But I'm not sure that I am all that open to being confident as a professional, enjoying all the day to days, or slowing down to take it all in. There. That's my vulnerability,
And if I'm really honest....
Its about not having enough.
That I didn't pick the right activity for my child. That I worry that she will not be successful in reading/math/dancing/gymnastics/making friends/picking healthy foods, etc/
That I don't have the right clothes for the party/the evening out/the silly drop off/pick up birthday party moment.
That I don't make the right thing for dinner (although, I don't think this often - I'll be honest.)
That I don't play enough of the political games or have enough of the right conversations at my job.
That I say too much or not enough.
Scarcity is about not having enough. And in Old Norman French its etymology is from scars. And there are many moments were I parent/love/wife/teach from a place of scars - where something left me a little damaged.
My resolution for 2013, is to recognize those scars, that scarcity and to be available to address it. be present to see it. Be proud to own it.
What are your scarcities? Your scars? What do you want 2013 to be?